Washing the germs with water. Wonder where they went? Heaven or hell?

Ah! That time of the day when I am having 70,000 thoughts all at once.

The poster I am sharing kinda signifies what I am going through at the moment, and I agree with it. Too many times I have heard those words, overrated, overused, and abused words by many. I have told people those words, too but I was so sure I meant it and I was sincere.

I feel betrayed. I feel like I am stabbed on my back so damn hard that I can feel the throbbing pain of the knife that’s used.. How can I let someone do that to me? Why the hell did I allow someone to do that to me when what I only wanted and needed was someone to give my love to..

How can one do that? What have I done to deserve all these? :/

Gee bloody wish! Where the hell did that come from? Teehee :3

Feeling really weird today.. Weird in the sense that I am not sure what to feel at the moment. Discombobulated? Anxious? Frightened? Scared? Unsure? I don’t know. It seems to me that as much as I wanted to be loved, there’s this fear that lurks on me and tells me not to. I am so afraid to be hurt again. Although I am saying I will take one day at time, but negativity just pulls it down.. I am really freaking out in a way.

Oh gosh! I am grateful storm had passed today.. We even had a lovely breeze this arvo after some rain. Felt Mr. Sun’s rays on me, too. A calm after the storm. 🙂

But my own storm is not calm just yet. I still have to get through some things and I am really hopeful I’d overcome these.

Dear God, lead me to Your ways. I seek for Your guidance and help. I am so lost tonight. So unsure and ashamed. :/


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We can't choose what stays and fades away. So cherish every moment, pray, love, live and laugh like it's the last. – SM

4 thoughts on “:3”

  1. What the fark bot? Wondering where germs go? What’s that about?:P

    70,000? Scary. I can’t count all of my thoughts. But, I’m not sure I want to try, either:P That’s work talk. Quantify that.

    I personally find it only slightly harder to find people who will mean what they say about loving me. It’s celebrities and bosses with “kiss-ups” who get more fake love than “regular folks” like me. I think people avoid me in some aspects because they can smell it on me, the cynical “I’m not buying your fake kisses and hugs for social etiquette sake” aroma.

    My overused word for most of my life has been SMART. People telling me how smart I am or talented. Yet, when I say, “Great. Now, where do I go with this?” or “What do I do with it?”, I am given arrows without support. Go in that direction. Go somewhere. Just don’t stay here. Do something with this greatness I say you have. I don’t feel that adequately shows my talent or smarts mean anything more than words. I can’t be sure I am truly impressing anyone. I think many are just overwhelmed and are trying to divert the electricity coming from my brain. No one says, “Let me work with you. Let’s build something together.” or “Would you like some help putting that talent to good use?”

    Just as when people say, “You’re so funny! You should do stand-up,” I say, “I don’t think I could sustain myself telling jokes.” I am funny NOW, maybe. I am funny to you this moment. But, I don’t write this stuff out as a routine. I tend to groan at routine. It goes with being Sagittarian.

    And, on the other side of the coin, it may be unfair to those who DO mean the words (at least, in the case of LOVE) and who are not acknowledged or appreciated for saying them. But, I have become quite skeptical yet starved for LOVE. I’m hungry, but, don’t mess with my head. I don’t want to trust the wrong voice. So, I get very “bristly” when people lay on compliments or offer freebies. I never thought I’d be the person to say, “What’s the catch?” But, I do that now.

    It’s hard for me, as well, to be confident in telling someone I love them or what they do without so many doubts swarming my mind. Does the person believe me? Should they believe me? Do I mean it? Why won’t they believe it? What do I have to do to make them believe me when I say it?

    I feel that uncertainty nearly every day. So, for you it’s probably just today or this week. But, for me, it seems like a long, long time. Eons in teen perspective. I might as well be Nervousaurus.

    I get upset in so many places and ways in regards to how people interact. And, to get to the point, I get upset with people online and myself. I get upset because I let myself get involved emotionally. I let myself get critical. And, more often than not, whatever I do with people online, it ends negatively. And, that drives me mad. Like you, I don’t want to be hurt…and I don’t want to hurt others. I never go out of my way to beat people down. But, I do get upset, and I do voice disapproval. I just wish it all was doing more good than bad.

    A thought for today. Is it possible the storm has had some impact on your thought process? Has it awakened these feelings in you?

    And, I thought I should let you know I did finally hear a tidbit about the storm on the local news. But, I missed the report.

    As bad as storms and rain can be, a part of me still longs for more…as long as it doesn’t destroy anything or cut me off from the world.

    Right. My storm, either. My storm rages on though it gets tired and softens its rumbles when my own strength or fury loses steam. It can only rage as loud as I am strong or awake enough to holler.

    BIG HUGS for support.


    1. Thanks for the big hugs! I needed that actually.. and mind you, the feeling isn’t just for this time but it was for a looong time. 🙂

      First from my bio family and some are from the past relationships that I’ve had.. most especially the last one I was. The storm in a way had an effect, the batty effect. LOL

      But hey, we’re all humans so from time to time, we feel that way.. And I share the sentiment with you when it comes to getting emotionally attached with people online.. I often am like that but I learned things the hard way but that didn’t stop me from meeting nice people. There are some who’s not really into you, and some who just don’t give us what we expect or treat us the way we treat them. 🙂


      1. Other people’s perspectives of “a long time” vary from mine:P

        I was just looking at the astrology posts–and I feel we’ve discussed this before–and I saw mention of Mercury in “retrograde” which seems to net malfunctions and relationship difficulties. That would seem true. Hoping nothing more bad happens before the 10th when this ends.


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