That time of the day when you’re emotionally, mentally and physically tired and it comes to you all at once and gets overwhelming. When the sunshine and the rain happens all at once, and then these peaks and valleys you have to cross are too close that it’s too impossible to move on. Boom!
That roller-coaster ride of life again.. feeling too low and uninspired, that moment when you don’t know life is leading you anymore. Well I actually know but this “feels” I have been feeling are just too much. When some parts of the past get back and haunts you that all at once, you get the feeling of regret, loathe, I-wish-I-could’ve-done-better feeling, and a lot of “what ifs” and “if onlys”.
Getting tired and frustrated about this scheme of “i-thought-i-found-the-one-but-turned-out-to-be-no-one” and back to square one and have to scribble and draw on a new set of blank canvass yet again.
Other situation is when the person you thought you have the connection with and asks you if you can have relationship together, demands that you two should talk asks you to open up and then this person whose demanding turned out to be the one who’s got his walls built up oh so high and isn’t doing anything to make things work. And one day decides to just run away and shut things down and just like a bubble that pops and then viola! He’s out of the picture. Just like that. Nothing. Nada. Nay. None.
Then after another, there’s this other person that tells you constantly how he miss you and that you’re all he’s thinking of but still, he’s got his walls built up oh so high and then wouldn’t talk or send you messages until you send them first and the cycle goes on and on repeatedly every single day. And worse, you don’t even know the score whether there’s you and him or nothing.
How about another situation where someone likes you and tells you how much you mean to him but you’re not just attracted to him even so you have the connection and no matter what you do to really like him and get into it, it’s just useless.
It’s like a race.. or a chase. You wish that the person you’re emotionally attracted to feels the same feely feeling you have while there’s this someone who feels the feely feelings for you but you don’t feel the same way.
I know I don’t make a lot of sense to some but yeah.
Oh this detriments with men. Not just solely men but with relationships. This isn’t just the issue that I am facing at the moment or I am having frustrations with but it’s something I can openly express on here. Some of the things I am on about isn’t just worth explaining as it gets deeper and complex that makes me hesitant to share as I don’t wanna open any more door for judgment, misunderstanding and or misconceptions. 🙂
Ah! The oddities and ironies of relationships.
However, I am reluctantly waiting and hoping for better days.. hanging on to the lil strength I have been keeping and even if it’s the littlest of hope, I still wanna believe something better’s coming. Like SOON.
A kind of feel that feels feely, you know? 😀
I woke up this morning feeling light-headed and system’s too tired and too heavy and there’s a lot of things to do yet I was not really motivated to do anything and I just wanna sleep like in forever, so I won’t get that feely feelings again, no more getting tired of life’s challenges and hurdles, no more bleak and unsure future. But heck! Life’s too precious to waste. There are still a lot of things I need to do, a whole lot of things on my bucket list yet to accomplish.
Going to the beach this Sunday, that’s one thing to look forward to. So I chose to live, still. LOL
Just learned to dance with the music even if my heels and toes and legs are too tired to cope up with the steps, it’s worth the dance any way. I am bouncing back one day at a time yet again, and getting back the moxie that I used to have. I know, one day, someday soon.. things will be on their places.
And before I end this, someone complimented me on the things that I write on here.
See, I have never ever thought of writing as something that I have and can do. It was far thought and far anticipated ever in my existence. I never thought I’d be either good at it as writing is never my forte.
What I write on here are the thoughts that I’ve been thinking out loud and feeling out loud. These are my personal experiences, raw, true and honest feelings from a person who’s trying her best to be the best of herself, one day at a time. I never intended firsthand to inspire, but if my posts and writings are of help to anyone, I am glad I could be of service. It doesn’t just bring me joy but also a fulfillment that even in the simplest of things, I made a difference to someone else’s life and helped them in some ways.
And another thing, he asked: Are you simply “waiting” for something or someone to bring happiness and prosperity?
Or have you accepted your present life as acceptable and fulfilling?
Life isn’t about people making you happy. It’s how you make others happy, too.
There are things that I want to accomplish and do. Like other humans, I also have goals and dreams I’d love to make reality but it’s not necessarily with “someone” or someone who’d bring me happiness and prosperity. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean I don’t need someone. No man is an island, and I agree. No man can ever live alone without dealing with another human being. I would love to have someone, yes. I love to have someone. But not someone to bring prosperity and happiness rather someone I will share happiness and love with. Someone I can share life with and prosper and grow beautifully and strong with. 🙂
So there. Marcie, and the rest of the Peanuts gang, Thank you. LOL
And to you, whoever reads my posts, thank you.
Thank you, God for this lovely and precious life You let me borrowed and live it with. Thank you, that even in this darkest and lowliest of times in my life, You’re always there keeping me sane in between my “insane” moments. I could never thank you enough for everything. I know something better’s coming.. or best rather. In Your perfect time and will 🙂