Mikee’s Musings: On Promises and Commitment

Promises and Commitment. Why?

I have been bugged on this for weeks actually. Someone told me: when you don’t promise and do what you promised, you don’t have a sense of commitment.

Like how? How can a person lack a sense of commitment just because he/she choose to not make promises?

Can anyone, please share some thoughts about this and enlighten me?

Personally I am not fond of making promises coz I believe if someone wants to do something, you really don’t have to wait to make it happen.

But having said that, I don’t mean I don’t make promises myself. I have in the past, but I personally don’t like making promises because it also can hurt and disappoint people.. Especially when you can’t fulfill your promises because of some circumstances and the people we usually make promises to are the people we love and care for the most.

It is also not about being burnt in the past, too mind you. There were people in the past who made me promises of this and that and those but none of them happened and it does hurt… That’s why instead of making a promise, I’d rather do it coz I know how it feels…

What just bothered me is how can someone lack the sense of commitment?

I was never ever afraid of commitment.. There may be a time when I really thought I was ready so I said yes to a relationship and jumped in to something I wasn’t really prepared to do so, and my heart isn’t there as well so I had to eventually put an end to it. But is it enough to say I am afraid or I lack the sense of commitment?

I have been only in a few serious relationship and never messed nor cheated… Never even used other men to toy with even when I am single and tried my best to be open and transparent on my feelings and thoughts. Maybe not all the time but really trying and doing my best to be better version of me.

However, no matter what people say, no matter what they call me; no matter if they say they know me; and how much they assume they know everything about me, they really don’t know everything.

I don’t know everything, too and what I just blurted out was one of the petty things that bothered me few weeks. And if you have an explanation, or an insight, I will be glad to know, listen and learn.

Hope y’all are having a lovely week!

Cheers!

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Published by

sassymikee

We can't choose what stays and fades away. So cherish every moment, pray, love, live and laugh like it's the last. – Mikee Cane

One thought on “Mikee’s Musings: On Promises and Commitment”

  1. I think whoever said that about a sense of commitment was simply referring to how a person makes use of a skill or exercise. If you know how to do a cartwheel but never do cartwheels, it’s like not knowing how to do a cartwheel. Or, if you know how to raise a child but let your child behave without discipline, you’re not raising the child. You see? Simply put, not making commitments, you fail to excel at or exhibit an ability to commit.

    Another way to look at it, if a kid learns to lie and never earns the respect of telling the truth (the boy who cried wolf), he is not valued or viewed as an honest person, even if he knows how to be honest. Perhaps, this person is saying you don’t commit because you don’t do it regularly in their eyes.

    Or…they just keep coming…I may know how to hold a paintbrush, but if I don’t practice the different strokes, I cannot say I am a painter. Nor will I likely paint very well. And, the less I hold that paint brush, the less I can associate myself with painting without appearing a liar/fake. I have to prove my ability.

    I imagine someone who regularly commits and makes promises they keep uses a lexicon that corresponds with this trait, thus impressing upon others the trait in their persona.

    I may say I am not afraid of commitment because–in my learned mind–I know it’s not good/popular. But, how do I know I won’t be afraid if I don’t commit often?

    And, yea, if you committed yourself to someone or something and ended up “stung,” you are either less likely to commit out of self-defense or more likely to make the same mistake out of weakness.

    You admit you said yes to something you were not prepared for. And, your heart wasn’t in it….that could be viewed as a sign of “fear to commit” even if we don’t say that to ourselves because we don’t want to admit fear. But, for you, maybe it was just not a good fit, and you didn’t know it til you jumped in.

    But, you are right, maybe even those closest to you don’t know all you are capable of. But, are you so transparent, in that case?

    Maybe not all the time being “transparent” why? How?

    It is the Aries in you that doesn’t want to delay anything. So, when you commit or promise, it’s for NOW, not later. I, too, being part Aries, do not favor making distant plans versus coming to an agreement to get something done NOW. Do I see something that needs doing? I’ll consider doing that NOW. But, if I have to “put it on my schedule,” I’m more likely to let it slide and then feel guilty when I do.

    However, in practical reality and fairness to ourselves as humans, as animals, we cannot expect to do everything NOW and not put some things on a schedule/off for later. We disappoint ourselves more when we can’t distribute our energies and time. That’s what contributes to childish tantrums and disappointments.

    I have been disciplining myself to make only solid promises to my nephews. I hate how parents can make promises they don’t keep, leaving kids to make one more “okay” for missing out on something. If a parent does not want to do something, they should find the words to say why. If they make a promise, they need to keep/fulfill it. Just as couples need to remember the commitments they make to each other instead of rushing off to the honeymoon for hot holiday sex and the first child only to later forget the vows they were supposed to take seriously. I have had little slips with my nephews. And, my family says I stress them out for taking my promises seriously. But, that just tells me they are lazy and careless with their promises, liars. I don’t want to be like them.

    Maybe not having a “sense of commitment” isn’t all bad. Just like two people can love each other without being married by law. Who says law decides how we live? And, who says law is always right?…or accurate? Life presents challenges and needs for change to laws that were “proper” back when…but not the same way now.

    But, as good of a person as I may like to think I am, I know I have difficulty with commitment from not making them regularly. I cannot say or assume I will do well with some commitments if I don’t make them.

    ‘Glad you could let this out for what it’s worth. One little step toward emotional balance. And I hope my own rant here serves some good and doesn’t add to your distress.

    Like

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