Day 67 of 365: Agony

dextIf I can write all these emotions and stress I have from the situation and challenges we are in right now, I might write a whole book about it. Tough times reveals true friends indeed. Only few cares, many just don’t.

It’s been tough weeks for me–for us, the whole family and for few people who cares. Nanay is sick and is currently at the hospital mending. She’s got pneumonia. These are the most agonizing, stressful and challenging days so far, seeing Nanay in pain and dealing with it wishing I was the one having it than her. We stayed home thinking and believing it’s just flu and cough but she’s getting worse by the day and decided to send her to the hospital. We did our best taking care of her at home but these home remedies and some medicine didn’t help so I had to do what’s best. Recalling the past days, I couldn’t believe myself dealing and getting through it. We’ve had so many sleepless nights, many heavy breathings and painful moments while I watch over Nanay in pain.. if I could take away the pain, I would. I wish. I am still keeping my head up, still trying to be strong even in most days and most nights, I’d like to break down and cry my heart out but I don’t have the energy. I have too many thoughts to share yet I can’t find the right words to say. I wish I can just even confide to someone but I can’t coz there’s no one to confide to. I kept things bottled up still but hopefully one day I’d let it all out. Writing/blogging helps, at least but it’s still different sharing it to humans. We’re still in struggle, financially for the most part. There are times I don’t know what to do but I just let go and let God. I am holding on to the hope and I still believe things will get better in time. Trust in God’s providence, they say. πŸ™‚

We are in dire need of help.. Please include us in your prayers. Thank you πŸ™‚


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We can't choose what stays and fades away. So cherish every moment, pray, love, live and laugh like it's the last. – SM

2 thoughts on “Day 67 of 365: Agony”

  1. You think you’ve got it bad? I think some evil entity is doing a lot of us in like a grim reaper. I have other family suffering potentially lethal internal conditions. We lost my last grandparent a few weeks ago. And, now, I broke my left elbow apparently in the worst way with questionable recovery. I know it may not seem as serious as the rest, but I feel like less of a good person right now. I feel foolish and helpless…and very much alone. I was trying to help my family, and now I can’t count on them to help me.


  2. If my previous comment felt selfish, forgive me and let me add this. I am not entirely sure of the difference between pneumonia and a flu/bad cold, but if the home remedies don’t work, could it be something else? You tried giving her plenty of warm fluids? Applying cold/hot rags to her forehead? The BRAT diet (bananas, rice, toast)? If it’s anything like the flu, it helps to fight it out of the body. Sweat it out.

    Aren’t you confiding to the masses here? I feel the same. Who do I turn to with my tears? No one seems to genuinely respect them. I am sorry I cannot hold you right now, because I would…and I’d cry for us both. My energy is drained by my own stupid injury and what was done to me. I too have been shakily calling upon the heavens for guidance and assistance. Occasionally, I hear a voice. But, I feel like I did a wrong I shouldn’t have (like I didn’t listen).

    As usual, you remain in my thoughts with your smiling face.


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