We can't choose what stays and fades away. So cherish every moment, pray, love, live and laugh like it's the last. – Mikee Cane
An Open Letter to The Girl My Ex Cheated Me on
Lies can never become truths; no matter how many people believed them.
– Cindi Sansone-Braff
I have to start with Ms. Braff’s quote to sum up what I have done here. I have always been true and raw to what I write, no matter how odd, ugly and disgusting side it reflects of me… it’s still me in the end. I am me. I don’t sugarcoat bullshits and what I have always expressed are from real experiences and real stories.. which is my story.
Okay okay, before you utter any words, hold that up please. I don’t need your opinions or words about this. I have been wanting to write these many moons ago but something kept on holding me back. Don’t be the a**hat that pretends to know everything here, save yourself from the effort of whatever judgment you’re so wanting to throw to anyone, let alone yourself.
There’s a lot of open letters from a lot of authors all over the internet nowadays and it’s my turn to have one for someone. This letter isn’t copy-pasted, it’s from my own thoughts and heart specifically for someone I have never met personally yet I have had a lot of encounters over the internet from their dummy profiles on Facebook, from her friends and her “husband”. It’s been a long time coming, it’s been over three years since that day I decided to let go of someone and ironically this person was the one who’s not so over things. I am not sure if this letter will reach her nor if she will ever understand what I will write here. It’s not infinitive nor definitive, everything has reasons and explanations. Don’t assume that I wasn’t appreciative of what the other party gave me and stuff, for those who know the story, you don’t have to question me.. for those who don’t and have a lot of things to say against me, stop reading and move along.
There’s a saying, “Hindi ka makakapagsulat kung hindi ka pa nakakapagpatawad,” (one cannot write if there’s no forgiveness) and I strongly believe in it personally. I’ve been writing/ blogging for years and when a heart is heavy of something may it be emotions or whatever baggage one has, it’s so hard to write. Time heals, so here I am and without further a do here’s something for YOU.
To the girl my ex cheated me on,
Foremost, thank you for coming to our lives three years ago. It’s so weird I get to say this but I generally do not loathe you nor I am bitter to you ever since I learned about you. I never expected however, the time I have learned about you and met you. It was thru your sister, whom was his friend’s girlfriend, that also became my friends as I was introduced to them during my first visit in Australia. As my memory recollect that certain time I learned a “little” about you, I can still remember how it was. So vivid, I can even hear him and picture out his reactions when he saw that photo of yours. Those were the photos your sister posted from their vacation last April with her bf and his kids in the Philippines with you. I don’t know why I have to include that but what the hell, this is my post. Moving on, I still clearly remember the question he asked me about you. I never really paid attention to that in all honesty. I was so consumed with exhaustion and overwhelmed with emotions from moving to a new house with him and the kids. We were so busy setting the place, unpacking and arranging the things we brought with us from the old place. I never really looked into that time until things made sense one day at a time after I broke up with him and two weeks after that, you came into the picture and you are already in a relationship with him. Marvelous!
Those petty fights and arguments never really mattered until I realized things aren’t going anywhere. I thought, or I made myself believe that he’s just going through a phase.. you know? Both of us were too tired from moving to the new house and whatnots; his becoming so impatient and too insensitive and becoming cold was only because of the things we’re going through at that time. I just ignored.. or tried to.. I have sensed things aren’t “okay and cool” though I pretended it was okay and cool and that he just needed some space.. and so I gave him. He “met” you April of 2013, and I believe, if I am not mistaken and same time he asked your sister officially about you. He planned a vacation to Queensland, just the two of us, together before the big move and that was the following month of the same year. See, I am, like you, a Filipina. English is not my mother tongue and not my first language and during those times him and myself were together, we had challenges; these challenges includes communication. I strive so hard to reach out to him for the most part, and since I am still adjusting, him being an Aussie and the person that he is, he mocks and makes fun of my accent and my pronunciation most of the time so I was too conscious to talk most of the time. I built some insecurities deep down inside of me. Like a lot. Why am I saying this? I don’t know but because it’s part of the rest of the story? Oh well. We had one of the most intense fight over nonsense while on vacation, and it was one of the fights I didn’t know how to deal with. It was about the term “sandals” and “dress shoes”. I never knew the difference between the two, and the sandals I knew all along, my whole life is the ones that are fancier, with high heels. Yes, I admit, I do not know that term or the difference between that term until that time, and things got worse, too. He’s upset and never really wanted me to get one, and I was too keen but he never really cared… my heart ached so much not because I didn’t get the shoes but because of the fact that he was not interested and he never cared and he was just too– cold. We argued and he asked me if I was okay, all I ever told him was “yes” while in my head, I wanted to tell him that I am not and I am hurting. I tried to cheer up but I failed most of the time and I never talked to him the rest of the time until we got home from QLD. In my heart I wanted to talk to him and reach out to him, but I can’t talk coz I was too afraid that the words that will come out of my mouth will screw things up and make him even more upset and mad at me. I know, it wasn’t right. Or what I did, too wasn’t right, at all. I worry so much, yes. So much like I create things that aren’t there in the first place, and just like the old times, I wrote him a letter. But those letter, unlike the old times was appreciated no more. Things have settled a few days after, fast forward to the day I was going back to the Philippines, that was June. In between those times, I remembered things were getting colder between us. Even the time when I was getting ready to board for my flight to Darwin, I knew there’s something wrong… and this, this isn’t just something I have created in my head. This was because you messed up his head, rather his head is messed up because of the whole situation and there’s you everywhere, where you’re not suppose to be. You have created a big hump or lump in his head and his heart. To start with, our kind of love story isn’t the typical one. Our set up was kind of a mess actually. Long distance relationship that is. After my homecoming last June, we continued our love story through emails, text messages and Skype sessions like the usual, you know, that same drill we used to have when things began.
Days and weeks passed, things were getting more and moooore cold. But I never thought that you were the one who’s responsible and the cause of that “effect” on him. I was too blinded, or maybe not too blinded but I pretended to be blind of what is happening coz I so wanted the relationship to work. I loved him, I wanted things to work out coz all along I thought he loved me, like I do him. Time flew fast, there came July, he decided he’d visit the family with his brother. That trip was planned few months prior so that was it. Just like any other relationships, we had challenges every now and then, despite the coldness, I kept on believing that those were just normal.. yep. I was too fool to believe all along, I know. I can still remember while waiting for him to arrive from Australia, things were quiet different from the past. We had a few moments like this from traveling back and forth between Philippines and Australia but this one, this very one is odd. I used to feel a bunch of butterflies in my tummy, not the “wanting to poo” kind of butterflies mind you, but too lame and too weak kind of butterflies fluttering inside of me stomach. Funny enough, when he got out of the place to where I was, he was grumpy. He got this “dispatcher” and called me in case I don’t know what I needed to do and where I needed to go. I was like, is this for real? Are you serious? I know I am kinda new to this set up and never flied so much from places to places but I am not that ignorant and most of all, stupid. Yes, I didn’t finish college; yes, I don’t know a whole lot of things but no, sir, I am not stupid like you think I am. But I never really took that too seriously… until one day, we had another fight. I kinda felt different, he is different towards me, he has changed. Big time. He’s gone colder–er than he used to be. That one day I was referring about that fight we had, I still can remember him saying these words: “All of you women just wanted money from me. My ex gf from Bulacan(which was the girl he was supposed to meet prior to meeting me and also his girlfriend that scammed him) and all you women just wanted one thing and that’s my money!” These words kept on repeating in my head.. loud and clear.. it kept on replaying, over and over again and I found myself crying, too surprised and dumbfounded on the words that just came out of his mouth, curled up in the corner of the other side of the bed, near that glass window… I was crying so hard, I couldn’t talk straight, I was panting and losing my breath every time I wanted to say something, and that all I can remember doing at the time was just cry and call Nanay. Never in my life I cried that hard with someone. He, on the other hand, he kept on mumbling and I remembered he uttered, “you are crying like you’re the victim.. you wanted to call Nanay and tell her about this. Sure, tell her, you, your nanay and your mind games!” It’s so weird I can hear his voice while I type, I can even see how he was that very same day. It was like I was in a dream, but it was really happening. I know I told him something, actually those were questions of disbelief, how dare him say those words? Like are you for real man? How could you? How dare you say I was after your money!? For all these times?! How??? I have so many questions while his words kept on replaying in my head.. over and over, all day that day. I thought of going back home that same day, or maybe go somewhere where he isn’t there. I was too sure, told Nanay I am going home but realized it’s not that easy. I am not a kid anymore, you know? Someone who can easily get out and escape whenever one wants to. I walked away too many times in certain situations but this, I can’t because I know I am way better than this. I am not a kid, I am a mature woman. I am not childish. I even talked about this matter to his brother, and he just told me that things will be okay and it will pass.. I hope so but nah.
There were a few more instances after those fights.. and it is getting worse and out of hand. Fast forward to the days he spent here with us, with my family. I never imagined spending the days with him this cold. I never asked for this, this isn’t what I signed up for. When I got into this relationship, this wasn’t what I hoped for. He treated me like sh*t, it came to the point where he wouldn’t talk to me like literally. He’d only talk to me when we are with family. There were a few times we went out and occasionally he’d talk to me and say things to me in front of them. So in short, it was all for show, to convince everyone we’re still happy and things are okay. I remember writing him a letter yet again, hoping he’d read it though I wasn’t sure if he did and the last thing there was wishing him happiness, whether it is with me or not. I don’t know why I did but I just felt there was something going on, and I never thought it was you.
Why am I saying all of these? I am saying all these because these “lil” things that happened in between makes up the “bigger” things that will happen in the coming days. It was getting worse, until that day when I decided to let him go. That was the turning point, when I have decided not for him but for myself that I am letting him go. I mentally, emotionally, physically and psychologically readied myself there. I broke down, cried my heart out in front of the family and decided that, this is it. He was still with me, physically but I know in my heart and in my mind he is too far away. His mind is wandering somewhere and is no longer with me, whilst his heart, is not beating for me– not anymore. I waited for the time to join him to Manila and send him off there on his flight to Aussie with his brother. I wasn’t sure what the future has in store for the both of us but I was sure that will be the last time I will see him and spend time with him in person. I still recall, hugging him for the last time felt empty. The warmth of those embrace that used to be there was long gone, telling me, “things are gonna be okay,” and I bid him goodbye. That was the last time, the time when I have to suffer and put up with his sh*ts and the last time to ever hear him tell me lies to to my face whenever he will say, “I love you” coz I know in my heart and in my whole being he doesn’t, or he stopped loving me or I don’t know if he ever did love me.
Those times were agonizing for me, being lied to, being treated so bad, so bad that he never talked to me when we’re together.. when there’s only the two of us. I caught him changing his passwords coz he wanted to get rid of me checking his stuff which was odd coz he never was like that before when we started even though I know at some point in time things will never last and somehow, some time, things will end. What I didn’t know that it was you. It was you whom the reason why he’s gone cold. I know that it was his choice but only when he met you… or maybe he never really loved me after all hey? I don’t know. Things were so different back then when you were out of the picture. During his stay in the Philippines, we also went to the immigration to process another Visitor’s Visa for me, we were hoping I’d get approved earlier than expected and we’d go back and fly to Australia together for the first time. We always wanted that moment to happen, but it never happened coz the visa took a lil longer… and that isn’t gonna happen either in the coming days. Why? Because the day we were suppose to celebrate, was the day I broke my silence and decided to end things for us. I received my visa the same day we are suppose to celebrate our anniversary. How cool is that?! I knew somehow he was waiting for me to do the move all along. He was too afraid to break the silence and tell me straight to my face that he no longer wanted me in his life. Putting all those pieces of the puzzle altogether gave things sense. Then there was clarity. When I told him I am breaking up, there were no second thoughts for him, like he was hoping for me to end it myself and set him free and never come back– like ever. I knew he wasn’t coming back at all. Still, I never knew it was because of you.
I never uttered any word to anyone aside from family about what happened, I was actually the quiet one at the time. Because why tell everyone about it? Him on the other hand told all of his friends, colleague, family and almost everyone about it. Burn. Haha. It sucks though coz what he told everyone were lies… guess what he told them? That I chose family over him. That I gave him up and chose to stay in the Philippines with family coz I love my family more than him. There were a whole lot of lies he told everyone, too great lies that he convinced everyone that it was all my fault and that I am such a perfectly imperfect person. I wasn’t sure as to what purpose he did those things for but all I know is that he is up to something.. until things made sense after two weeks when I learned he is already in a relationship. I don’t know what I felt at the time… I can’t recall actually. Or wasn’t sure if I ever felt anything at all. I felt like one of the blind mice back then, being played on so many times by someone whom you really love and care so dearly? I was kind of reluctant to share and trust anyone at the time, coz I felt so betrayed not just by one but by a lot of people. I knew there were also people behind this. A few people I know of, some close to me, some I thought were my “friends”. God is so good, He had someone told me about it, I learned about it through a mutual friend of ours, and you know what she told me? That the ex cheated on me… and I was like I knew it! I f*cking knew it. Now it made sense! Things made sense for ducksake!
And you know what? She told me that he was already communicating with you since May.. sooooo… now it is really making sense. Although I must say what it gave me were the feels of finally getting those lost pieces of the puzzle I have been looking for. Finally! What’s annoyingly funny is him. Of all the people I expected to betray me, it was him that I least expected, and it doesn’t end there just yet.. Worse, as guilty as he is, he was the one who spread the news to everyone.. like literally. How can such a grown man do that? Seriously? At some point I thought I loved the wrong person… I felt disgusted in a way. How can I love someone like that? Was I really blinded by that love to not see and realize what kind of a monster he is!? But you know what? I am thankful! Or if there’s another term stronger than thankful.. how about grateful? Yeah?
You crossing in that same road where both of us were walking was a great blessing in disguise. Thank you really. Thank you for saving me from wrath! Thank you, most especially for saving my life from misery. I am happy or thrilled to say this publicly, on this blog that I am grateful that you came. It could’ve been worse, you know? If you never came, I prolly will still be with him.. maybe.. I mean I really wouldn’t know any of that if you didn’t came. My intention of this letter isn’t to degrade you nor tell the world what kind of a person both of you are. See, that time when things didn’t worked out for him and myself, I had too many questions back then. Too many that I can’t recall all of the ones I asked God, even my family. Those times though I tell you honestly were the ones I disliked because of the questions people often asks me whenever they learn that we ended the relationship.
I learned to embrace the upsides and downsides of it all, mostly upsides. To you, to the girl whom my ex cheated me on, thank you. Also, I would like you to know before I culminate this letter many things I have always wanted to tell you all these days.
For all the hassle you gave me and my family, I forgive you. For all the pains and the hurts you all caused me, I forgive you. I do not intend to express myself and post this to put shame on you.. although you are suppose to feel that anyway. hahaha
Seriously though, I just want to say that I am never and ever will be insecure and I do not envy you. I may have a lot of insecurities back then, but never in my life have I envied you. The person you are with who is, also your husband presently is the person who used to make me feel so bad and so insecure, who also was the reason why I became someone else and who stopped me from doing some of the things that I love– including blogging. I will never ever eveeer envy you and wish to be in your place anymore like I used to, back in the day. I do not want to be spending my life with someone who is a control freak. Yes, you might have your high technology gadgets, your Mac PC, iPad, Samsung Galaxy S4 or S5 smartphones, lovely dresses, expensive and branded bags and shoes, a bunch of makeups, one car in the Philippines and another car in Aus, a house, money, perfumes, flowers, furnitures, motorcycle, piercings and tattoos, friends, food and bubble baths you publicly posted on Facebook, I DO NOT F*CKING CARE. There is NO FUCKING WAY I ENVY YOU and I WILL NEVER GET JEALOUS OF YOU and feel sorry of the choices I made back then. You have all these things but you are still empty. You may look “happy” like you depict in your photos on social effing medias, but at the end of the day you’re still broken. B-R-O-K-E-N.
You are entitled to post whatever you want to post, and no one is stopping you from doing all of that, I still don’t care. Money and material things isn’t what makes the world go round. I never finished my degree in college but still, education isn’t enough to measure what kind of a person you are. Class, dignity and morality takes a long way. Beauty is never measured on how much makeup you put on your face, nor how silky smooth your skin is, not even in the brand of bags and shoes you’re wearing nor the length of the dress you have on. The gadgets you have in your hands doesn’t make up how rich you are, nor how educated a person is. Money can never buy morals, dignity, class and beauty. Beauty is measured not by looks but by heart, and how you deal with people. Stop assuming girl. By the way, stop comparing yourself to me. I am me, I am not you and you, will never be me. It is pathetic knowing what you have been doing all these days, too. You know? Why so jealous and insecure? Mind you, there’s no cure for insecurity. I am the ex gf, and you girl, is now the trophy wife. You should stop spying on me, and stop making my Facebook page an amusement park. You should be happy knowing where you are right now. You are married, though i am not sure if it is because of love or is it just because of money. I know somethings, too. Things I never thought I will know but I will never mention them here, it’s not worth it anyway.
There’s a saying that states: “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure” please do not apply this to your situation coz he’s not a treasure… he’s a trash. He’s proved that long time ago.
I may never have the things that you have, materially and physically– but I am happy. I may never have my bio family with me, but that’s another story. I am not insecure, neither thirsty of attention and a famewhore. I do not post stuff on social medias for many “likes” but I post because I can and I want to regardless of the likes and how many audience I have. Both of you should stop belittling us.. me and my family. I never hooked with someone and be in a relationship for money or because I can benefit from that person. Go figure. I don’t make stories just to get people’s sympathy and convince them to believe me to put down someone. I am not fond of rumors, neither fond of spreading confidential things about others and ruin people’s lives. In short, I am not like you and I AM NOT YOU.
A word of advice, you are a married person so if I were you, you better mind your husband. He is your “business” now so mind him, mind your own business instead of minding other people’s business’. The victim mindset, too by the way, no one will ever buy that anymore. I hope you’ll find your happiness soon.
It’s such a pity… I don’t know if it’s for you or your family. I have so much to tell but I won’t go there… You have a wonderful family girl, but you ruined it and wasted your life for a trash.
Life has been so great for me. However, I hope that you’ll be able to move on like I did. hahaha
Please, stop assuming that I haven’t moved on and that I am stuck, okay? Just because I am still single these days doesn’t mean that I haven’t moved on yet. Ohh ahh. hahaha
I just know what I want and what I do not. I have learned a lot from the past and I am very very careful and picky of who I talk to and invest my time and energy into. Relationships and marriage isn’t something I will rush like I used to before. It’s not something like what your husband did, that when he’s not into someone, he’d treat her like sh*t and push her away. That’s cowardice. That’s not what real men do. Real men with real balls and packages. Well, I wonder if he’s a man to start with.
Moreover, this isn’t a race on who’s going to marry first and who’s last. There’s no deadline here, girl. That experience taught me a lot, one of it is never ever settle for something less than I deserve. Also, it’s enough to be involve with someone who rejects the good one and settle for something “in demand”… and that, reminds me of the saying: Nice people are rejected by people who cannot afford. (coz cheaps things are in demand )
It’s funny how opposite things are, with you and with me. No girl, your situation is not something I will ever envy of and wish I am in. I am speaking for myself from my experiences, and not from others. I have been there, and I don’t wanna be there anymore like EVER. Talking about karma, don’t ever and never ever use that against me coz I never did any harm to anyone, I never spread rumors and things against someone, I minded my own business and I wasn’t the one who lied, and most of all cheated and I never got into relationship because of money. Nah nah.
You have all your gadgets, riches and so called friends who’s only good when you have something but at the end of the day, what matters is how much kindness you give and how happy you are with your life and the choices you made.
Good luck and all the best to you and your husband, to your life.
Lastly, I hope you understand any of this. Hahahahaha