When I felt my feet slipping, You came with Your love and kept me steady. – Psalm 94:18
My heart is heavy, my head throbbing with pain and I just wanna burst. I woke up with a heavy heart, well most days I do and it’s been months now. Oh how I wish this will end soon.
When you can’t swim or you’re tired of swimming, lay your back and float; they say, and when you’re ready keep swimming, they say. Sometimes I just want to collapse and just lay down there and do nothing. I know I am sick or I am feeling something’s wrong with my system, I so wanna give in but I can’t coz things aren’t okay yet and that no one’s gonna help my cousin take care of things and take care of Nanay.
Ah! Such is life!
God and His ingenious and weird ways! I really don’t know how much challenges and struggles I can withstand anymore, I have been through a lot, just like others but these days I’ve felt like I just wanna drown and just submerge myself in the water and stop breathing. Or I wanna go somewhere and get caught on something I might slip and fall down or whatsoever. But I am better than that… It’s always easier said than done.
I have never loved this kind of situation, I have never asked for this and yes, I have no choice. A friend of mine reminded me that… or I needed this time for him to tell me that, I missed him, it’s been a while since I have heard his voice but I can hear him saying whenever he tells me that I can do this, that I need to keep going not for others but for myself and he said to find my Chi.. I guess I really need not to find my Chi, I know where it is, it’s never just somewhere.. he is one of my Chi, among others things and people. Some days are harder than other days and this day is one of the hardest but still grateful.
There are also friends who reminds me to stay strong and I am always grateful, I can only thank them and I still need to be strong however.
I am so looking forward for this to end yet at the back of my head, it’s saying something like “be still, be steady and enjoy the journey, this is just temporary.” Or maybe it’s not just something from my subconscious but God telling me that things will be okay. God is looking after us still, with friends and family that surrounds us. Grateful for the people He sent us with, for those who’s still here with us in thoughts and in spirit.