I Can’t Make You Love Me

‘Cause I can’t make you love me if you don’t
You can’t make your heart feel something that it won’t..

I was never a super duper fan of Adele but I appreciate her talent.
Feeling slack today after being exhausted the past days and now sharing to you one of Adele’s cover from her concert at The Royal Albert Hall years ago.

Ah! Rain and cold weather and a song like this makes me weak.. :/

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Cheer Up, Said I.

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There’ll be a point in your life when you have to be strong for your very own self. For no one will always be there to cheer you up or to be strong for you and tell you that things will be alright, that it is okay to feel this and be weak at some point. That it is okay to scream and be angry. Gee!

Don’t get me wrong. God is always around, yes I know but even some times, He makes Himself unseen to test our faith.

Ah! I don’t know how much more challenges and trials I will have to get through to get to where I should be.

This has to be one of the biggest test I’ve had for a long time. For whatever purpose, I don’t know.. But I am sure this is for the best, this is for my best. Oh Dear God! My heart’s too frail and I am so overwhelmed that I am on the verge of breaking down again.

Keeping my head bowed down as always and trying my best to obey and do what I have to, even at times I want to shout to my heart’s and lungs’ content. I am trying my best to understand even when my heart and mind have a lot of unanswered questions; rants and complaints, disappointments and sorrows. Doing my best to pull myself together and pretend to smile and laugh o people even when I so wanted to cry myself a river. Doing my very best to answer in a meek and mild voice even so I wanted to yell and wanted to smash something with a hammer or punch someone in the face just to get this anger out of my system. For staying even at times I wanted to run away and hide and wish I was a bubble that I’d just burst or pop out and people won’t see me again. Accepting reality that life was never fair and never will be. To forgive others and understand them and forget what they’ve done instead of hating them and wish they’d suffer or die at some point. To still love the people with the most unlovable heart and still believing in them no matter what they have done to me when I can just play with their heart and make fun of them and use them to my own advantage.

I wish I can. But I chose not to. And I don’t want to. It ain’t easy walking in Your way and doing what You’ve done but I am trying and doing my best one day at a time, one step at a time.

I know I still have a lot to do and to change within myself. Moreover, I have a lot of shortcomings and flaws but You stood by me and still loved me. And in return, even so I cannot give You back what You endowed me, I will do what I can and will continue to do what You want me to do even so it breaks me at times. If my sufferings and challenges are what please You, and if it is Your will, however, I will do it. 🙂

I will give back the glory and honour to You. 🙂

Gone Gone Gone.

I always fall for people who don’t have the same feelings that I have. I always get hurt loving people that much. I have a lot of reasons not to love but maybe that’s just me. I love the unlovable.. I am a fool for love. A big fool.

I still am waiting for the day when I will feel that one day even so at this point of my life it’s too impossible or too far from reality. But just like the blog I had earlier, I care less. It’s none of my concerns anymore these days.

It’s all GONE GONE GONE!

I cry for a lot of things that people didn’t do or done to me and the things that I thought was worth it but for others were not. I cry for simple things. I cry for the wrong people. I cry for myself. I let myself drown into a deep blue ocean.. and just drown. But I don’t know how I’d got back up.. I don’t know how to swim.. but I know how to float. Great stuff! LOL

Oh well. I’ve had enough already, and it’s already gone.

I am not complaining or ranting..just thinking OUT LOUD! 😀

I don’t know. Like another nostalgic moments again, aye?

Nah. Just reminded me of the conversation my friend and I had today. Anyway, I gotta shut my freaking mind up or I will get myself in trouble again.

Lovely day WordPress!

Leaving On a Jetplane.

Dream about the days to come when I won’t have to leave alone.

About the times when I won’t have to say..

Cousin actually asked me to download this song for her, as I don’t have this mp3 on my folder.. and while waiting for the whole thing to be downloaded, I was able to listen to it for umpteenth times tonight.. and made me sad.

I don’t know why it did.. I just don’t know..

well a lot of things popped and spurred from inside of my head and became thoughts and now it is connected to my whole system..

I cannot fathom as to why it made me sad, prolly because of the movie Armageddon which this was connected, but not really.

Feeling nostalgic, lost, emotional, overwhelmed and I don’t know really.

It’s like I wanna cry.. cry so hard until I don’t have tears to shed. But I don’t know how to start.

All those emotions I have kept inside that I’ve piled up for quite some time have been wanting to spill but I can’t even recognize which is which and as to what it signifies and how to.

I also have a lot of questions to myself lately.. have I been the person whom I was meant to be?

Not really feeling down but I heard words today that I didn’t knew was coming and it hit me.

Was I really that bad? Was I really that deserving to get it today?

I am feeling like a total mess today.. well most times today.

Accepting reality that I don’t have a stand.. not at all where I am today, I still try to be the best I can and do what is right, but it seems it’s too hard to make the cat laugh.

I have been struggling a lil lately. Being slapped around not just by one but by many.. that feeling of being caught in between? Tell me about it.. I’ve been there too many times.

I don’t know as to how I dealt with it but what I remember is that I kept my head bowed down the whole time.. even so I wanted to burst out and express the rage and get mad, I did not.. well I did eventually but managed to humble down for sooo damn loooong even if I wanted to break down and spill things out right at the moment.

I am not sure if I have explained and expressed what I am trying to convey but I don’t mind.. and I feel or I am sounding like giving every one riddles.. vague view of what’s happening to me.. I can hardly give you a clear picture of the whole thing I am going through or maybe something shallow.. or prolly deep but guess no one will ever figure it out. As no one knows what’s really happening and I am having a hard time myself expressing.

Life has always been a cycle of ups and downs; one hell of a roller coaster ride each and every day. Some days are great, some are not. Some days are colorful, some gloomy. Some rainy, some sunny. All of those things at once, sometimes it varies. You feel so high and then it declines and feel too low.. Some people bounces back quickly, some likes to stay still and be stuck, some also are wanting to be picked up by someone.. some just pick up themselves.

What the heck is wrong with me tonight? LOL

Feeling anxious here. Mentally and emotionally dehydrated. I don’t know what’s in store for me in the future and I don’t know yet how to deal with things in the coming days.

I haven’t had alcohol yet but I feel like I am drunk.. drunk with this weird emotions that I am having which reminds me to consume the beer that has been waiting there for days. hehehe.

Oh well, I am not the person who’s too positive today hey? Not sunny and bubbly as I used to be but I will get over this.

Have to pick up the pieces once again and start from square one.. or in other words, scratch. But wait, I don’t wanna use the scratch thing.. As I don’t want a recycled one.. how about a new one? Clean slate rather. 🙂

As much as I want to, I just want a simple life.. I wanna live in peace, without too many complications, not too many dramas and people involved but I think it won’t happen. Never. No. Nay. Nope.

Oh God. I am tired and fed up of this..

Still hopeful on having better days ahead though. I just don’t know when.. but I am sure it will come soon.

Need to hit the hay, bed is calling me and eyes are weary. I don’t have the energy anymore to say what I wanted and needed to. I pray things will be better soon. Real SOON. 😦

When There’s No Hope Left.

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Good morning WordPress!

It is a gloomy day today. Not long before I got up, was like challenges also sent its greetings. LOL

Ah! How much more challenges will I get from this life?

What I have posted yesterday was merely all in my head and mixed emotions and deep seated pains again.

Offered a lil prayer yesterday afternoon after feeling overwhelmed from a lot of emotions and thoughts.

It was like the lowest of the low feelings I had yesterday, and vented it out to cousin.. I know, you will say its all in my head but yeah, there are also reasons and experiences as to why I feel this way nonetheless.
Also, if being honest and up front means blowing my chances and keeping me away from someone, I’d rather blow it than keeping it to myself.

I don’t know what the future holds but still, whatever will be, will be.

I have too many hopes about things and sometimes reality comes crashing it in.. But I still have Faith.

In God’s hand, I offer and let things Go.

Missing You.

That time of the day when my mood swings from high to feeling low.

I just don’t know. I am feeling the gloominess of the weather today.

Reality just bit me big time. Wishing I could turn back the time when I love no one.. I could have stayed single and waited longer. Wishing I haven’t experienced all of what happened recently; the pains, the wasted time and wasted feelings. Just not feeling worthy of anything today really.

Feeling stupid and foolish! Feeling unlovable and feeling like a garbage recycled too many times.

Feeling unworthy and not deserving of any thing.. Feeling fed up and so really done.

I am currently missing someone this time. I kinda miss him more and more and things are just happening so fast. Time flies so fast when I am with him, well even if I just talk to him on through video calls. It feels so great but it hurts some times. What the heck! Can someone just shoot me now!? 😦

When I Feel Useless..

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I found this photo on Tumblr yesterday and grabbed.

Somehow it made sense. Hahaha. If I can’t find a reason to go on and when I feel useless, I gotta think of this. Ü

At this very moment I feel so so. Just coz I am sick, too. My ears are burning in PAIN. :/

I am not loving the pain, mind you.. Just I can’t ignore it as its really painful and it’s in my head. Feeling pissed and I just wanna scream my heart out. :/

Daym! Feeling too old today and really on the verge of crying but I can’t. Hahaha.

Oh well. I don’t know until when this ordeal will stop. God help! 😥

Someday I’ll Find My Rainbow

Getting ready for beddy byes but still wide awake and just can’t contain what I am feeling at the moment.

Cuzzie is having challenges personally and I somehow know how and what she’s feeling. I’ve been there.. It’s really not easy doing things not for yourself but for the people you love and afraid of doing mistakes and displease them.

I just pray she won’t do what I did and shell make better choices. I just hope she’ll get through all these and surpass the storm.

While I myself is feeling a bit down not for my own self but for them.. For others. It hurts too seeing the people you love get hurt.

I am hoping ill find my rainbow thereafter and eventually will completely get over the storm I’ve been in for months..

Feeling a bit sick and I hate it. I hate it coz I easily get down. Ah! Life. :/