Dream about the days to come when I won’t have to leave alone.
About the times when I won’t have to say..
Cousin actually asked me to download this song for her, as I don’t have this mp3 on my folder.. and while waiting for the whole thing to be downloaded, I was able to listen to it for umpteenth times tonight.. and made me sad.
I don’t know why it did.. I just don’t know..
well a lot of things popped and spurred from inside of my head and became thoughts and now it is connected to my whole system..
I cannot fathom as to why it made me sad, prolly because of the movie Armageddon which this was connected, but not really.
Feeling nostalgic, lost, emotional, overwhelmed and I don’t know really.
It’s like I wanna cry.. cry so hard until I don’t have tears to shed. But I don’t know how to start.
All those emotions I have kept inside that I’ve piled up for quite some time have been wanting to spill but I can’t even recognize which is which and as to what it signifies and how to.
I also have a lot of questions to myself lately.. have I been the person whom I was meant to be?
Not really feeling down but I heard words today that I didn’t knew was coming and it hit me.
Was I really that bad? Was I really that deserving to get it today?
I am feeling like a total mess today.. well most times today.
Accepting reality that I don’t have a stand.. not at all where I am today, I still try to be the best I can and do what is right, but it seems it’s too hard to make the cat laugh.
I have been struggling a lil lately. Being slapped around not just by one but by many.. that feeling of being caught in between? Tell me about it.. I’ve been there too many times.
I don’t know as to how I dealt with it but what I remember is that I kept my head bowed down the whole time.. even so I wanted to burst out and express the rage and get mad, I did not.. well I did eventually but managed to humble down for sooo damn loooong even if I wanted to break down and spill things out right at the moment.
I am not sure if I have explained and expressed what I am trying to convey but I don’t mind.. and I feel or I am sounding like giving every one riddles.. vague view of what’s happening to me.. I can hardly give you a clear picture of the whole thing I am going through or maybe something shallow.. or prolly deep but guess no one will ever figure it out. As no one knows what’s really happening and I am having a hard time myself expressing.
Life has always been a cycle of ups and downs; one hell of a roller coaster ride each and every day. Some days are great, some are not. Some days are colorful, some gloomy. Some rainy, some sunny. All of those things at once, sometimes it varies. You feel so high and then it declines and feel too low.. Some people bounces back quickly, some likes to stay still and be stuck, some also are wanting to be picked up by someone.. some just pick up themselves.
What the heck is wrong with me tonight? LOL
Feeling anxious here. Mentally and emotionally dehydrated. I don’t know what’s in store for me in the future and I don’t know yet how to deal with things in the coming days.
I haven’t had alcohol yet but I feel like I am drunk.. drunk with this weird emotions that I am having which reminds me to consume the beer that has been waiting there for days. hehehe.
Oh well, I am not the person who’s too positive today hey? Not sunny and bubbly as I used to be but I will get over this.
Have to pick up the pieces once again and start from square one.. or in other words, scratch. But wait, I don’t wanna use the scratch thing.. As I don’t want a recycled one.. how about a new one? Clean slate rather. 🙂
As much as I want to, I just want a simple life.. I wanna live in peace, without too many complications, not too many dramas and people involved but I think it won’t happen. Never. No. Nay. Nope.
Oh God. I am tired and fed up of this..
Still hopeful on having better days ahead though. I just don’t know when.. but I am sure it will come soon.
Need to hit the hay, bed is calling me and eyes are weary. I don’t have the energy anymore to say what I wanted and needed to. I pray things will be better soon. Real SOON. 😦