Blurting it Out.

Pananatili

Hangad

Huwag mong naising lisanin kita;
Wala ‘kong hangaring ika’y mag-isa.
Sa’n man magtungo, ako’y sasabay,
Magkabalikat sa paglalakbay.

Mananahan sa tahanang sisilong sa ‘yo,
Yayakapin ang landasin at bayan mo.

Poon mo ay aking ipagbubunyi
At iibigin nang buong sarili.
Sa’n man abutin ng paghahanap,
Ikaw at ako’y magkasamang ganap.

Ipahintulot nawa ng Panginoon:
Ni kamataya’y maglalaho, anino ng kahapon.

Dahil pag-ibig ang alay sa ‘yo, mananatili ako.
H’wag nang naising tayo’y mawalay,
H’wag nang isiping
Magwawakas ang paglalakbay.

A song that is a story of commitment and unconditional love based on a story in bible, from Song of Ruth.

I have known this song for years and have always dreamed of singing this on a wedding or on a mass but never get the chance as my choir mates were not too keen for this.

A song that is sublime, serene… just beautiful.

I have been feeling a lil down, just wee bit. And maybe a lil dreamy as well until I remembered this song. There have been too many thoughts running here and there inside my head at the moment, some wishful thinking(s), some disappointing, some hopeful ones, and some just popped out of nowhere that I have no idea why the heck it’s here inside them head. Maybe it’s here all along, subconsciously present from the start.

My heart is a bit heavy actually and I don’t know why oh why. I feel like crying but there’s nothing to cry for or I can’t find the sense in crying at the moment, maybe because of the song.. but I don’t think it has to do with the song. Oh well..

It suddenly brought back memories, people I knew from way back ages ago and not so long ago, the things and experiences I have been through, the people whom I hold dearly in my heart, people I love and care for that is close to me and those ones I love from afar, and a lot more, like a whole lot of it.. and feeling too exhausted as well. I am tired, too tired being too kind.. understanding the things I cannot understand; pretending to be strong when my whole world’s tumbling down; cheering people when I, myself needs to cheer up; smiling so people won’t ask me why I am not; being myself yet I am still judged and misunderstood and sometimes, mistreated when all I do is give my all yet I am still questioned; being positive and pretending that things are “okay” when they’re not; loving even if there’s nothing worthy of it anymore; and most of, seeing the good in the worse.

That no matter how much I open myself up for people, still I am not enough. Never. Ever.

No matter how much trust I give them, still it wouldn’t make any sense. That all these years, I have been giving the wrong people the right pieces of me. Sh*t. LOL

And more, no matter how much time and  effort you share and give to these people, it doesn’t count. Nothing counts. At all. Why are there people that have such heart?!

Alas! I finally blurted it out. These things I have been keeping to myself the past days.

It’s not just that, actually most of the time, I have also been taking it easy. I am dealing with challenges but these days, I am kind of dealing with it in a different way. More of a passive way, not thinking too much kind of way way. 🙂

I wish, somehow people will just stop judging and pretending that they really know me.. that what they see and what they hear isn’t always what it seems. They should stop validating people’s worth slash my worth or who I am even the others on how one looks like but on how one treats the other, how many people one has helped, on the way he shares and gives to others, and how he is to his fellowmen.  That somehow they’d stop minding others business and mind theirs.. and if others business is their business, I still hope they’d take a break and make use of their life in a way. You know, make a worth out of it. 🙂

But these are just too impossible maybe. These are far from reality. This is not how it works. Yes, I know. I wish there’s a special place for them that and they’ll stay forever on that place and never bother and give people a hard time. Hahaha Wishful thinking, I know. ^_^

Despite and in spite of, I have been deeply blessed still.

God is always working on with my life and never deprived me of anything, just there are times that I cannot keep up on His ways and His will but He’s always with me.

So welcomed August with sweetness and positivity! Mostly chocolates! Chocolate cake, chocolate and chocolate ice cream! Wow! That’s heaven! Oh, Love! 😀

I have been shedding and purging some people I know as well, others, shut me down already.. some, I did it myself. It’s time to shed off, not just people but things, too.

Also, I have learned that I do not need anyone or someone who’d help me change my life.. I only need myself, and of course, God.

Trust, just like love, respect and understanding doesn’t start from anyone but thyself. I also learned that trust is one that composes the strong foundation and the building block of any relationship: may it be romantic, friendship, parents to children, any relationship. Even the relationship with myself. If I don’t have trust, how can I trust people? Just like loving thyself. 🙂

Loving isn’t easy as well, most especially understanding. However, all of those things I have been having a hard time dealing with are just nothing compared to what God had experienced and is still experiencing. You know, like loving each one of us.. being questioned from time to time by almost everyone. Even blamed for one’s wrong doings and consequences. How could he deal such things? How can He still love us in times when we’re unlovable?

It’s not an easy thing, I know.. nevertheless He still loves us, even from afar. By having said that, I, myself, even if I can’t do all of it, I will try still. I will continue to see the goodness in everything. Literally everything no matter how hard it is. I’ve been there anyway, for sure I still can do it.

Understanding comes from love, even trusting and patience, too.

Now I know my worth and what I want, I won’t waste my time on people that are not worth it. I have had enough. I will still continue to be myself and just be myself, no matter what all of you people say. I am aware who these people are and I pity you for being hateful and not seeing the goodness in things. I just hope and pray you’ll eventually wake up and find happiness in your heart.

And for those who have a hard time opening themselves, even if it takes time I hope you will be able to open up soon and let people in, let love in your hearts and let it guide you to happiness and peace.

Lastly, this song… this is a reminder for me as well, I may not have that “someone” with me at the moment, God is with me all the time, wherever I go, whatever I do, whatever path I choose to go, He is with me. God’s love is unconditional, unending and fair. 🙂

His love always remains in us, through His Son, Jesus Christ; through our parents, our second parents, our brothers and sisters and relatives, friends, friends that we haven’t met yet.. His love is around us, in things, in circumstances, in nature; every where. ♥

I hope everyone’s having a great weekend. Keep safe y’all and be blessed. Spread the love and be an instrument of God’s love ♥

Advertisements

Arms – Christina Perri

Went to the bus terminal this morning with Nanay and cuzzie and our new friend Melanie and heard this song.

It’s been years.. brought about good memories and people who came and gave something but end up shutting down.. haha. that was one but most of it were nice memories. 🙂

It brought about feelings, lovely feelings that made me grateful all the more.

Until next time.. Still not feeling like going to say a lot. haha. I am saving this up for the next days. 😀

Still Into You – Paramore

 

Stumbled upon this earlier today, fell in love with the lyrics and the melody. I am not so so fan of Paramore but I listen and appreciate some of their songs. 🙂

A song I’d like to see myself with the person I am meant to be with. Oh heavens. 🙂

It’s a lyric video so y’all can see the lyrics while you listen to the song 🙂

Have a lovely day peepulz!

Thinking Out Loud.. Again.

It’s been almost a year and still, some didn’t know about “some” things. Maybe because I don’t talk about it that much, and maybe, just maybe they don’t really care. However, thank you for checking me out sometimes. Thank you for the concerns and for the sympathy. haha.

And for the last time, I just wanna clarify that I am not in a relationship, no commitments and not connected to anyone emotionally presently. I thought I was or I was almost there but I wasn’t ready and the person I thought I had the connection was too far to reach. Saying “I miss you and I think about you” and all those sweet sh*tty talks without constant communication isn’t enough to say one is in a relationship, well there was none in the first place. I may have put myself “out there” at some point but it didn’t worked and I am no longer “searching”. I am still “there” but not putting any effort on it coz I am too jaded and will just let things happen naturally. I know, somehow the person won’t just “fall down from heaven to my lap” and I have to act on it, nonetheless nothing will happen. It is what it is for now and will just enjoy the journey of being single and meeting people out there but not putting any pressure and not on a rush as God works in mystique and magnifique ways, ways one will never see coming and expect to happen.

So there. I have to give the speech as there have been people asking me about this and some wouldn’t believe me. See, what I say is not always infinitive nor definitive. There’s always reasons and explanations, and I am not gonna push you to believe me and what I say. I hope everyone had a lovely weekend. Good night and God bless y’all.