Don’t expect them people to treat you the way you want to be treated and love if you keep on pushing them, give them reasons to walk away and question them about their feelings. That’s not how things work.
– Mikee Cane
It’s somehow a bummer though to shut things down on a whim but I had to. It is not always easy walking away.
Walking away. Yes.
Just because of the term itself, it looked and sounded like it is so easy for others but it is not. Now I know and I understand how it feels.. And walking away doesn’t always mean fear alone but some times it means you’re done dealing with things and instead of complicating it you choose to end it. Why prolong the agony, right? But nah. It isn’t always like that. We tend to simplify things for our sake but in reality, walking away is never ever easy.
It also depends on the situation for the most part, relationship wise.
It reminds me of the saying what you see is not always what it seems.
Just because someone chose or opted to walk away doesn’t mean the person is not going through things as well. Each one of us, every individual has his/her own battles and not everyone sees it like that. Most of us think that the world revolves only around ourselves, that we are the only ones who’s going through a lot and we forget that others have their own struggles and battles, too.
I admit, I forget this sometimes and I give judgment to people but human as I am, I made mistakes, too. But I am thankful enough to have and be surrounded by people who reminds me that the world isn’t just about me.
However it saddens me that there are also others that really care less and sometimes, they don’t.
Others give you advices and say words and think that they are always right and say no offense meant or I don’t mean to be rude but they already are rude. Hahaha
Ironic, isn’t it? Sometimes people act and say things like they know everything. Oh sure, you do! But if we really look closer, do you really know what’s going on? Sometimes what we perceive isn’t always what it seems. We often act like we know who these people are but we don’t. Just coz we see people smiling doesn’t mean they’re happy or they’re okay.
This isn’t a relationship advise, however. I just want to blurt out on the things that have been running here and there in the puny corner of me mind.
This is just reality. And this isn’t just something that happened to me but surely it happened to anybody. May not be the same experiences but sure did happened. 🙂
And even with these mean people is going through something, too. I just hope and pray that they’ll somehow realize that it’s not about them and that walking away is never easy. I am not saying however that it is right, nonetheless. We all have different experiences and battles and hope that whatever it may be, if it can be resolved then we should before walking away happens.
But the reasons I had for walking isn’t just for myself but for the people that was involved. I never regret the choices I made however. I chose peace. I chose freedom. Freedom from the pain and freedom from the negativity of the people and the situation. It hurts leaving the people behind and shutting everything down but staying and holding on isn’t working.. So what’s the point? It wasn’t easy dealing every single day missing the people you used to be with. Not seeing them and talk to them like you used to. Hear them laugh and cry with them and cheer them up when they need it. Those lil things. It wasn’t easy getting used to the pain of not having them.. It’s worse than losing someone through death. You know they won’t be there physically although it won’t apply to everybody. But to walk away with people who still exist physically and pretend that they don’t is not. So yeah. Where I am isn’t where I wanted to be but it is way better than where I used to be. Those experiences I went through was all worth it. It taught me a lot, and helped me understand myself and know what others have to go through. I am humbled and like I always say, I am not who I was. I have accepted the fact that we can’t always stay in other people’s lives.. We don’t always have to be with them but that doesn’t mean we can stop loving them and care for them. We still can but from a distance 🙂
There are still a lot of unspoken pains, regrets, love and a whole lot of emotions yet time will tell and time will let it speak for itself.
For now, I will continue what I have started and still strive for the bestest. Haha. All of these words can’t sum it all up but that’ll do for now.
On the lighter side, I am thankful for today! Yay! I have so many firsts. Hahaha
First time for a long time I feel like a real adult haha
Doing stuff for myself and pushing myself to do better and to do the things I so wanted to do for a long time.
Went to town with Nanay and cousin today and went to the bank to do transactions for my personal account and had a first and funny encounter with the bank’s Electronic Assitance for queues. I was looking for a slot where to insert the card when there’s none. Bloody hell! Hahahahahahaha
I was the 50th person to be called so I decided to go to the other branch and use the other machine for a certain transaction. I really don’t do well with machines! That was fun alright! Hahaha
First to work on a personal account and work on a project(hopefully will sort this out soon..i still can’t wrap my head around it yet but i will get there. I will make sure of that! Aja!)
What a lovely day! Thank you God for the blessings! I am enjoying this to bits. And with the matters of the heart, I am still working on it. No rush. Haha
Looking forward for the coming days.. I am not sure what’s next but this I say, BRING IT ON Daddy GOD!
Peace is seeing a sunset and knowing who to thank.
So I was outside yesterday with cousin and stopped by to capture yet another beautiful sunset once again. Just a reminder that another day has passed and new days are coming.
Thank You God for this lovely sunset!
Have been sick the past few days with influenza drizzled with cough and snotty snots on top. Haha.
All four of us had the flu and getting better one day at a time.. just a lil frustrating.. well not really lil but A WHOLE LOT. I hate being sick as well coz I get too emotional – and that means depression, frustration, desperation and hopelessness come to you all at once and getting soaked in tears for a lot of reasons. WOW.
Oh well. Bother!
I am getting pass that phase right now and hopefully will get over it completely. I have took things easy and I missed out a week with exercising already. Gah! I will soon get back. I miss sweating and working it out. 🙂
Anywho, I must say adieu for now. I hope y’all have a great week!
Thank God for this life! ♥
It’s been quiet a while since I posted something from my own thoughts lately. Given the fact that I am not often online on my laptop like I used to since it got broken and I am not sure when I will have it fixed. Hahaha
I still have my daily updates of quotes scheduled whenever I have the time to use my cousin’s PC. That’s still something to be thankful for 🙂
Any who, it’s been crazy lately. Feeling flapdoodle and higgledy piggledy for days. I am not sure on what to feel… Well maybe not what to feel rather how to deal with the feels and the things around me. It’s like days of unending challenges and kinda but-wait-there’s-more-challenges-and-struggles-to-come-kinda-days I am dealing with. This week we celebrated Nanay’s birthday and ’twas oh-so-merry-kinda-day but hey, don’t get me wrong, I am grateful seeing nanay so happy and every one around us happy for her as well.
It’s just that you can’t skip those not so good days and here I am feeling overwhelmed. Too overwhelmed that it’s taken it’s toll on me and I am here lying on me bed sick.
Pfft! Despite and in spite of, this post isn’t about mumbling and grumbling on how bad my life is. This is just recognising the challenges and appreciating the blessings.
Thank you God for letting me experience all of these. I wouldn’t be able to understand life more and people more.
God revealed something to me this week, too the day before Nanay’s birthday. I know it was the least expected.. Wait, no. It wasnt expected actually but I never felt any objections nor harsh reactions rather questions. Those usual questions like: “why me?” and “what did I do to deserve all these?” kind of questions.
Whatever will be, will be. I know God didn’t picked me for nothing. In His perfect timing. However I will not stress over it for now. I have learned not to worry too much on the future instead focus on today. The present. With a smile. Just because.
I have missed out a whole lot in the past so it’s time to loosen up and enjoy what the day brings.
I am on my fifth week on the “healthier me” journey and there have been improvements already. It’s not much but hey, at least there’s still something.
Hooray for today and the days to come! Yay!
And as for the matters the heart, I am still taking one day at a time and I am not settling any time soon with anyone just yet. Downside though, is that most guy friends I get to talk or communicate misinterprets me.
Please, pretty please.. Don’t mistake my sweetness and kindness to flirting. I am single and unattached but that doesn’t mean I am open for flirting. That’s not what I am here for. It’s not bad conversing and getting to know someone and who knows t might lead somewhere but please. Hahahaha
It just feels awkward. Getting this kind of response from a particular person and it gotten too much so I ended up not sending a reply back. Hahaha
Ah! Life. Hahahaha
I am really enjoying this journey of being single and not rushing. Although at times I question when will the person meant for me finally arrives? Bother. Haha
Thank God it’s Friday! Thank God I am alive! Thank God for the miracles and blessings. I am smiling, just because. 🙂
Learn from others who are different from you… like how to be someone people actually love.
I have been having tough times lately on dealing with people in general and find this quote right on time.
Not only personal stuff but also some of the things the world is on about.
I am not a perfect person and never ever will be but I am blessed where I am and the people God surrounded me with. I am humbled by the situation and the experiences God put me every day to learn and use these things to people and to become a better person.
I am recently having wee tough time with a person and finding it a wee harder taking in those beautiful and challenging words. Literally learning, understanding and being in the same shoes the person I am having rough times with at the moment isn’t easy at all.
I am doing and trying my very very best to humble down so I won’t get myself into trouble or be the person to give others happiness but I cannot please everyone. I just hope and pray that this will pass and peace shall stay.
Will still be that same person who doesn’t hold grudges to anyone and let things pass even though it’s a bit hard and understand, see the good things despite the not so good things that’s happening. That person who forgives and understand people more.. I know I mentioned the word understand twice it’s because that’s what I need to do at the moment.
This, too shall pass.
Ah! Life and it’s unending twists and turns.
Queer life that is. 🙂
Anger: After it’s gone you’ll realize how cheap it was. 🙂
7:45pm, Sunday and raining.. we’re on our way to church and was listening to Ed Sheeran’s song..
Ah! How I miss this. I was in a vehicle and feeling the cold breeze and be under the rain.. watching the lights from the cars and jeep behind us.. staring at the lights, feeling the moment and pondering.
Just like the old times. 🙂
Thought to myself I need to update the blog tonight.. I need to spill it all out. My head can’t contain it anymore, so is my heart.
I really do not know what I want to say.. maybe I do but I just don’t know how to start.
I found a quote last night about anger and it has something to do with anger, too. Well I am not that “angry” but the person I know for some time was.
Realized it was really cheap.. I have been unfortunately been called names again. And apparently, I found out yesterday I have been checked.. as in checked if I am a scammer. Apparently I am not. 🙂
Wow. Just wow.
I have lost a bit of hope in humanity at a point.
I don’t feel bad and I am not afraid coz I hide nothing.
I never used people for money. I am not some kinda random person who asks people for money and spend them for whatevers and use other names or invest the money and use dummies. Heck.
Just because there are a lot of people from the Philippines you have heard that scammed and used people from other countries for money doesn’t mean every Filipino/ Filipinas you meet are scammers.
It is the same thing with a situation like this: just because you picked a rotten tomato in a pile of tomatoes doesn’t mean all of the tomatoes on display are rotten.
I found out through WordPress that someone searched on the internet.. Oh well.
It was quiet overwhelming.. at first I thought it was overwhelming in a good way.. but as soon as it goes deeper, my gut tells me that I should move on and quit whatever I am doing. I couldn’t contain it and my heart, for the most part can’t take it anymore so I had to quit.
No matter how much I am honest and how much I open myself up to someone, it always ends up me being the bad one. Why the heck is that?!
How dare you call me a scammer and judged me from the facts you knew from me or from the things I told you and used it against me without even knowing everything?
It was some basic information I have shared and I haven’t even scratched the surface yet and then you throw something at me like that?
Just because your words weren’t reciprocated and all I did was be honest and gave trusted you and you being the doubtful one call me “cold”?
And I know, it’s really cheap of me if I continue to communicate with you.. and tell me a lot of things after I said you forget me and assume nothing has happened. So there you are, angry, and then you stabbed me with words that are not true and you try to collect some facts from the things I shared to you and jump to conclusion of how filthy and cold I am and that the people in the past were right and I deserve such treatment because I am a scammer! Hahahaha
I don’t know and not sure if what you told me were true.. I know you’re capable of tracking people and hacking one’s system but heck.
I hope you heard yourself when you said that.. and I hope that one day if you read that message again, maybe.. just maybe in case if you still have the copy of that, it will stab you over and over and make you realize what you just said. 🙂
I hope next time you’d learn to listen to what you will be saying, feel and think before you say something to someone coz words are sharper than swords. If ever I hurt you from the things I’ve said and done that I know was the right thing to do, I am sorry. Pardon me for doing such but I cannot bear it any longer.
Better safe than sorry.
We all are going through a lot of things. Every human being, we all have our sufferings. All unique, one of a kind.
We all are entitled to be angry and mad.. but that doesn’t mean you have the right to be cruel. I hope that one day, too you will learn to open up your heart and learn how to listen and learn how to differentiate liars from those who are honest. How to know when the people you’re dealing with are genuine or fake.
If you have been mislead by others in the past, I won’t blame you.. but that doesn’t mean that all of the people will do that to you. If you will do that to everyone, you will only push those people who has pure intentions and want to share their life with you. You will only screw things instead of making it progress or even end it before it even begins.
I really really hope you’ll find happiness and forgiveness, too.
Please remember, too that when you’re angry, it is best to not say anything. Or else, you’ll regret everything. 🙂
I got a notification from WordPress.com earlier for my 500th post and then there comes next, Happy Anniversary with WordPress.com! Yay!
It’s been a year since I have been back blogging and sharing my thoughts and express myself through music, quotes, whatever things that I can come up with. Thank you, WordPress for this! haha.
And I want to thank the people who’s been a part of all of this. For the 200+ people who’s clicked the follow button on here, I know it’s not much compared to some who’s been here only for months, but gosh. I never expected that people on a whim. 🙂
My goal isn’t to gain a whole lot anyway, my purpose is to express myself mainly in the hope of sharing good things aside from writing my heartaches, detriments, my quirks, distress, bliss and whatever emotions this very piece of me come up with.
It’s been a year. Gosh. Time flies fast. That FAST.
It felt like it was only a week or a month ago. 🙂
One year. It only means I’ve been over at some phase of my life, and it’s been a year I’ve been doing great! Woo to the hoo!
Looking back and reading my post from the day I started made me smile and gave myself a pat in the back for what I have done. I may not be where I wanted and expected to be from where I am at this very moment, I am definitely happy for I am blessed beyond I can imagine, I have a wonderful and loving family, friends near or far, and people who continue to make me feel that life is precious and that every day is a miracle. 🙂
I have been through a lot of ups and downs, obviously a long roller coaster of emotions, experiences, life’s lessons and challenges but here I am still alive and kicking! Teehee :3
I still have a lot to experience, goals and dreams I have yet to accomplish and fulfill. One day, one step at a time.
I cannot thank God enough for this life He let me borrow. I have more than enough of what I needed and more is that I am blessed with the opportunity to share it through WordPress.
Thank you, WordPress for letting me share my sojourn to the world. Looking forward to many more anniversaries with you! hahaha (Sounds too cheesy but what the heck.) 😛
I hope everyone’s having a great week so far! Be blessed a be a blessing to others loves! ♥
It’s been days I’ve been pondering on a lot of things, from small to big things. Not just my life but the things going on around me.. it’s been lovely days so far, and I am grateful and blessed for the things that I had, I am having and will have in the coming days.
With each day that passes means a day closer to where things are suppose to be. Looking forward to tomorrow, and a whole lot of tomorrows. I am not sure what it is Lord, but I know there’s something. I am not sure when but I will still keep the faith and hang on in here.
However, just a while ago while I was sorting out some files and photos that I’d like to share, someone sent me a message. He’s someone I know over a year ago and it’s almost a year I have been on and off talking to him. Something hit me tonight. While talking to him, there were flashes of thoughts and the same situations and experiences I was in years ago… where despite the people’s shortcomings and flaws, I still see the good in them.. that even though they have been telling me lies and I have been mislead by them I still continue to believe that there’s still time and chance for them to change and there’s always good in them.. somewhere.
That even if they have hurt me too many times, I still try to understand them and even if there are hard times to “understand” them, I am still here, waiting for them to do the same and treat me the same but always ends up being left behind and being in pain.
I am too vulnerable and too naive… this “wearing my heart on my sleeve” trait of mine always ends me up being mislead on and or, being hurt and worse, left behind.
And tonight, I feel so hurt somewhere.. somewhere in one corner of my heart deep down there got tired and exhausted believing that there’s good coming… and also a part of it is also tired of being treated so bad by others.. when I only show them who I am and what I am…
It’s always nice to hear sweet things from people, from strangers and even from people you know and you have been with. It’s easy to say things and even believe in things but too hard to prove and act upon it. Others they’d say things but they don’t really mean it.. or they’d not even do it. Only for the sake of letting people believe and hold on to something that’s not even there.
Oh well.. I don’t know if I make sense.. maybe I am just pouring out what’s in my mind and in my heart for the most part.
I’ve never felt this for a long time now.. and tonight it just popped out somewhere. I am too tired believing to people somehow. Well not everyone but I just realized I need to slow down a bit.. I am too tired dealing with negative people around me. It’s time to purge out people and not just people but change my ways, too.
I am cleaning my slate again. I am deleting some people in my life again this time and will start anew. I will try to surround myself with people that has good vibrations and positive energies… I will have to stop wasting my time believing and trusting people too easily. Minimize giving people my time and give myself some..
I am not settling down to just spending time with people that’s not even worth it. I’d rather spend it with family… with God. I know it’s easier said than done but I gotta do it. This is life, and I need to deal with it.
I am not allowing myself to be treated the same way I was treated before. I deserve to be happy. For now, I need to start with myself. One day, one step at a time. I need to focus and set goals as well.
I have deleted some people on social medias and applications that I often use.. those so called “friends” that I never even get to talk, were already gone.. now what I need to do is to let the good vibes in. Changing some of my ways one step at a time, too.
Ah! I am not sure what I am writing here as my mind feels like in a gutter at the moment. There are bucket loads still I want to express and vent out yet I do not know how to say it. I just hope one day.. one day maybe, things will be different.
It’s too hard guarding my heart coz I’ve always love being with people and I love to give… even to those not so worthy… but I can’t blame myself. lol
Jesus did that, too even if people ended up flogging him and putting him to death. Pfft!
Maybe, just maybe I need to slow down and get some sleep, too. LOL
Maybe my heart is too big.. or too small for others, I don’t know. I need to ask someone to open and check it for me. hahaha
I wanted to cry.. cry so hard and feel sorry for myself and ask myself why!?
But I can’t cry.. I am not sorry for myself too. I tried and be myself for the most part. Screw you. hahaha. Screw you who can’t accept me for who I am. Screw you for not being able to treat me the same.. I know someone, some people will. Screw you for letting yourselves treat others so bad and for sucking the energies and taking advantage of people. Screw you for screwing yourselves. hahaha. Well not screw you actually, I hope one day you’ll find happiness and peace.. and I hope you won’t get hurt as much as the hurt you caused the people you did bad things with.
Boo friggin’ hoo. This girl needs to get to bed. I am babbling already. hahaha
Gah! Have a lovely day y’all!
Earlier today, went out to accompany Nanay and did some errands.. while going to town on our lil potpot, I have overheard their conversation.. This doesn’t include Nanay though but I have heard them talking about Filipinas marrying foreigners and how foreigners helped their family out like this couple one knew back in the day with 21 kids and the women were married to foreigners and they have, big houses, farms, and all those things one could have when they have the “money”. And out of the blue, someone blurted out: “Filipinas should marry foreigners and not Filipinos.. coz Filipino men are poor and have no money.”
Talk about irony: He is married(well not legally like they’re only living together but has a kid) and his wife/partner has a foreigner boyfriend. Ouch. SMH.
My intention with this post is not to demean once again, but just share what reality is.. I am a Filipino, and used to be with someone different from my own skin and race but it was never my intention to milk out of him and use him for money. I know, they would always say to be practical, but it isn’t practical and will never be practical to be with someone you would only want to take advantage of and use him or her for something, for your own good. I don’t think the word relationship was defined that way.
Anyway, it’s just too bad for this kind of people really, not that I am being judgmental.. I know we all have our reasons. But if one’s reason is to have someone for their own benefits, I don’t think it would even last. Kindness begets kindness, and we are all accountable to all our actions, we may not get what we deserve here, but Somewhere with capital S, we will. 🙂