Poetry: Tired

Tired
Mikee Cane

I am tired of fighting, I wanna be fought for;
I am tired of waiting, I wanna be waited for.
I am tired caring, I wanna be cared for;
I am tired of loving, I wanna love and be loved in return.
I am tired of giving, I don’t wanna just give but also receive;
I am tired of living, I wanna be the reason why someone lives.
I am tired of being empty, I wanna be fueled up with love and compassion;
I am tired of sleeping by myself, I wanna wake up with someone beside me.
I am tired of frowning, I wanna smile like every day and be someone’s reason to smile;
I am tired of being alone, I wanna be yours ’til the end of time.

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Gone Gone Gone.

I always fall for people who don’t have the same feelings that I have. I always get hurt loving people that much. I have a lot of reasons not to love but maybe that’s just me. I love the unlovable.. I am a fool for love. A big fool.

I still am waiting for the day when I will feel that one day even so at this point of my life it’s too impossible or too far from reality. But just like the blog I had earlier, I care less. It’s none of my concerns anymore these days.

It’s all GONE GONE GONE!

I cry for a lot of things that people didn’t do or done to me and the things that I thought was worth it but for others were not. I cry for simple things. I cry for the wrong people. I cry for myself. I let myself drown into a deep blue ocean.. and just drown. But I don’t know how I’d got back up.. I don’t know how to swim.. but I know how to float. Great stuff! LOL

Oh well. I’ve had enough already, and it’s already gone.

I am not complaining or ranting..just thinking OUT LOUD! 😀

I don’t know. Like another nostalgic moments again, aye?

Nah. Just reminded me of the conversation my friend and I had today. Anyway, I gotta shut my freaking mind up or I will get myself in trouble again.

Lovely day WordPress!

God’s Timing is Right Timing

Given the chance you can go back to the past and change it..
Will you still change the times when you made mistakes even those things from the past made you who you are today? -Mikee

Good evening WordPress!
At long last! I finally had the notion to vent out what I have been keeping for ages!

Feeling up the creek this weekend from all those challenges that I experienced. I really don’t know how to start or where to start but yeah, I made it.

It has always been a struggle and a pressure emotionally keeping it all to myself and today, just feeling so exhausted. It was like going/climbing up the hill and going back down.

I’m trying and doing my best to be strong and be the person God wanted me to be, but I can’t please everybody. There are still people wanting to see you fall and break down. 🙂

Anyway, feeling a lot better than I was earlier. God is just right in time, and is never late. He sent someone to let me know ill get through this. And I don’t have to spill out everything here actually. He sent an angel and sent His message thru “him”.

God’s timing is always the right timing.. and things are making sense and are falling into where they should be these days.

Thank you God! I will always cherish this life not for myself but for You. 🙂

Have a lovely evening WordPress!

When Dancing Gets Too Exhausting.

Top of the morning to y’all from Philippines!Howdy dowdy doo? Haven’t posted much yesterday aside from that of my post greeting Nanay on her birthday.

I didn’t have the notion to do so, besides was too busy most times of the day yesterday, and I mean literally MOST of the TIME! Nanay set a thanksgiving party, the Filipino type of “party”.. or our kind of party, as it was not the most fortunate or elite visitors that we had but those neighbours who were less fortunate and who don’t have much to eat.

Nanay had two roasted pigs aka LECHON; one big and a wee one, and some other kind of dishes for the whole lot. There were heaps of people and it was actually nice serving them, we’ve been doing these most of the time, even if there’s no occasion, Nanay likes to share to people and it’s also a great thing and a great feeling to see smiles on their faces and a happy tummy, too.

Things and commotion subdued until 11:00pm.. but haven’t slept right away as I was awake til midnight.. my whole system’s down.. literally DOWN.

Happy for the outcome yet I wasn’t happy on myself so to speak.

I have been optimistic as much as possible all these days, except for those times when I really can’t handle pain, but yesterday.. just yesterday, it came to the point where I got exhausted.. not of dancing literally but going with the flow.. human nature flow that is.. or whatever that term is.

No matter how much I always remind myself of thinking positive and happy thoughts and good vibes, it all boils down to the point where I would also just let myself be drowned until the rock bottom. I am human, I am not a robot.. I get tired, I get fed up and exhausted, too. And thought I need a break! SO I DID! hahaha

I was not feeling the music as I was feeling pissed, unhappy and irritated with myself yesterday. Don’t get me wrong.. as much as I’d like to pinpoint it to particular people, I just throw it at my very own self.. though sometimes, I can’t dance with the music anymore. I have to let it out. And I did.

God taught me a lot of things from experiences and through people and it humbled me more and made me more understanding and patient unlike before. I have been more of the obedient one since but just so can’t be one yesterday. Allowed myself to feel it and be it so I can get over and be over it and I did.

Felt a lot better after emotionally and spiritually, but still feeling the exhaustion from yesterday’s activity. God has a great sense of humour and more often than not, I find it amusing yet challenging, too.

Ah! The joys of life! So so looking forward to bedtime already and wish it is soon enough! Wanted to cuddle up with my pillows and curl up on the bed and catch up on rest. It has been a long day yesterday, I need to rest. I also need my heart and my mind to rest. 🙂

Keen for the coming days. I cannot wait for that day actually, but still I need to have more patience and wait. @_@

Anyway, Thank you God for all of these, I may be exhausted but I am not stopping.. I will still dance, and go with the flow.  Will always try to dance; move and sway the way You want me to for I know one day, this will be worth it. This is worth it. 🙂

God bless everyone! Hope y’all have a great middle of the week! 😀

 

Flashback Friday.

Flashback!

That’s what I will be doing now coz it is already 12:52am and it’s Satdee! 😀

Still awake this time coz I have to catch up on some work as I haven’t worked with my “real work” the whole morning and arvo.

Was quiet preoccupied and did some work but only outside the worksheet actually.

Have to help family as August 16 has significance in the family’s history.

Sat down and did the work 10:00pm actually and feeling so exhausted and dead tired.. and looking forward for bedtime but have to do some work so I am kinda stuck at the moment..

It was never a boring day today and it was quiet productive so to speak, just there were crazy and frustrating times. hahaha. Alas! It’s over! The day’s over and soon I will sleep and hit the hay.

I’ve had flashbacks somehow, too. Some were nice and some were a bit sad.

I don’t know.. every time I sit down in front of the lappy, I just can’t help it. My system’s still not used to this. :/

I will get use to this, if this is how things will be and if this is meant to be.

On the other hand, kittens have been so nice to me especially my lil Jade lately. She keeps me company and she never failed to give some loving. Whenever I am here at my desk, she’d always say hello well not literally “hello” but the kitty hello, like hello kitty. Bahaha. 😛

Anyway, she’s sweet and she loves to be pet and be cuddled and sometimes when she gets annoying, I’d tell her to stop being naughty and just behave and she would. Like when I am doing some work, and or send long emails, she’d know and she’d just sleep.

It’s not just the family but also the pets that give me love, and it’s nice. 😀

God has His ways of showing to me how much He loves me.

‘Tis been a great day, indeed! Thankyou God for every thing.

I hope all of you had a great day, too.

Praying for a lovely weekend, though.. as I have heaps of work to do!

This is FUN! NOT! hahaha. 😀

THIS.

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Listening to him while wide awake feeling pissed and down. :/

Gah! I just can’t fathom what’s happening with me today. Feeling not so good earlier this morning, I managed not to feel down for a wee bit. Apparently I gave in.. Feeling so so down. Not even in the mood to talk, feeling slack and every time I see a male friend on Facebook or on my messenger, I just want to get rid of them.

That awkward feeling of wanting to punch someone in the face but you can’t. I want to cry out loud but I can’t!

Oh well. I don’t know where all of these came from.. As to how or why I am feeling like this. My whole system is down, too. No appetite, upset tummy, and headache and feeling sleepy. Threw my dinner up tonight and put everything to waste. Bugger.

Could this be from the ordeal the last days? After all those emotional and psychological struggles I’ve been through.

I just pray ill get over this in time. I also wanted to cry my heart out but it feels like I’ve no more tears left to shed.

Dear God! I’m letting this all Go. 😦

If this pain is Yours, let it stay and make this my strength. But if it is not Yours, however, please heal me. 😦