For the record, this is one weird title I can think of, and mind you this has nothing to do with the band “One Direction” or Zayn Malik for the matter. haha
Yep, I know such a bummer, aye? But yeah, it’s just a random title, actually I fell short for words, and this doesn’t even sum up all those times that I have been silent.
It has been a while since I have updated my stuff, namely the wedding blog and this. There were a lot going on actually and by far, this has been the longest time I have felt down, depressed, frustrated, exhausted and anxious. It’s the longest since the last time I had been down.
From getting sick for quiet some time, Nanay getting sick with pneumonia, sending her to the hospital, moving to a new house(packing, unpacking and arranging slash rearranging all the stuff: big and small to the smallest) and being sick again.. ugh. Dealing with all these things like all at once, boy oh boy! No one ever told me to prepare for this.. ’twas all unexpected. I wish someone told me it friggin’ hurts, I could’ve prepped up for this, yeah? But it doesn’t work like that, I know and I don’t mean to sound like I am complaining alright but I am not. I don’t even know how to deal with things anymore.. like literally.
Have you, once in your life headed to the wrong direction?
I guess we all have. That one time, or maybe a few times when we thought we’re on the right track, but we realized we were heading to the wrong direction all along. Others get lucky, for they reroute and realized they’re on the wrong track even before things get worse and others just get stuck. When they realize it’s too late and you can’t go back or make a u-turn or change lanes, hit on meters and get damages or worse, just stay there all the days of your life in that direction.
There are also times where we thought we are on the right track but things happen beyond our control and we’re bummed out, not knowing we were redirected to something greater, something different, something we are meant to be for.
I’ve had countless times where I was in the wrong track.. thought things are going well and I was meant to be there, but I wasn’t. Like you’ve invested all your life for that certain things or goals but you found out it’s not for you and you feel devastated and don’t know if you ever can get up standing on your feet again? Too many friggin’ times.. and you thought the next time you have the same situation, you’ll know what to do, but it doesn’t work like that some times. It’s like getting your heart broken first time and you’ll say oh, yes. The first cut is the deepest but man, the rest flipping hurts. The next time you have your heart broken, it hurts all the more. May it be relationships, working on life goals or just simple things.
I haven’t been blogging/ writing that much coz I was still searching for my moxie.. I was really too tired the past weeks, or months for the most part. I have been dealing a lot emotionally and mentally. I couldn’t grasp or embrace the changes all at once. Worse, the people I thought will be there wasn’t there. That moment when I needed some help, not really financially but just be there. You know, money isn’t always the answer for everyone’s problems, or money isn’t what we need to cheer people up. But I guess some people love us differently and sometimes deals with things differently. I understand, however it was just too hard to contain.
One time, too I thought I was building on something great, but man, was I wrong? I was building sand castles.
Another road to the wrong direction. Burn bridges yet again for Sully, hey? Gotta love burning bridges. NOT. I burnt one house down before and it wasn’t fun.. burn bridges? Worse.
I have never been too much of a social person lately as well. I met friends along the way, I get to talk to a few but usually I am too slack to answer emails or messages. I never even get to open the emails like I used to. I have detached myself too much from things really. It’s not that long since I have talked so much, not long that I’ve been smiling and even laughing so much nor even that positive like I used to and I was supposed to.
For those of you who checked on me whom I never really talked or send replies to, I am sorry. Please pardon me. I never intended to be rude or anything. I was just going through some things.. well a lot of things.
I really don’t know where this is heading for me yet for the future is uncertain, I even had the time questioning myself what I am doing and why I am doing what I am doing. I feel so lost for sure. I didn’t just lost the moxie there but the faith at one point. But I guess we all gotta experience and be on that shh–it hole. ahaha.
Relationship wise, I still am not certain on where things are heading.. there’s a fine line between friendship and love yet again. or I don’t know.. if there’s a fine line to start with? I can’t see one. I want to pretend I have so much understanding and patience deep within me. If patience and strength can be sell, I could’ve been rich by now mind you. I don’t know. I just don’t really know like how much more time I should take and I should wait.. which reminds me of a line of Sam Smith’s song, I am waiting patiently though time is moving slooooow. I am taking my time, actually I am enjoying it to bits, I get to meet a lot of people, made friends and acquaintances but the one I am dearly waiting to meet is that one special person God meant for me. I don’t wanna sound desperate, which I know I am, but it’s just that I’ve had enough time spent on waiting. I will still wait, and I am still waiting. I have no choice but to wait. Well I have some options but best is to wait. Whatever the future holds, I will just let things go. I know I will get there wherever I was meant to be. Whoever that person is meant for me, please please make it to me.
This blog’s long so I think I should end here.. there’s still a whole lot of things to say but I fell short of words again so I will culminate this by saying: No matter where you go, may it be wrong direction or the right one, please don’t stop loving yourself. Don’t deprive yourself of some good loving, even from yourself. Please don’t stop being grateful for your journey. And never cease on praying. God hears ya. I still have a long way to go and I gotta wait for the other whole of me to be in this journey. I have my family, yes. But the one I am meant to be for, someone I can be walking hand in hand with, for life. I am looking forward to that day where I won’t have to technically be alone going through this. God has something greater planned for me somewhere. Some place where I belong, some place where I don’t have to do u-turns or change lanes or damage meters and hit on trees and people anymore. Somewhere I will call my home, perhaps even get to journey with some wrong directions with, and share life with. Someday. Soon. In God’s perfect timing. 
Much love and blessings to y’all! ❤
pray. love. live. laugh. 