Life’s never easy, it never was but once in a lifetime, you meet someone who’s worth all these sacrifices, worth all these pains and those times that you need to hold on to life a little bit more and overcome the bumps, challenges and struggles along the way. Someone who will give light, someone who is your purpose, someone who will give life more meaning and more happiness. Someone who appreciates you and is proud of you, someone is willing to give time and attention without reservations; no ifs and buts, no maybes and we-shall-sees; someone who always stays and never leaves, someone who’s there with you all along. And most of all, someone you will love and will love you like you’ve never love and never been loved before. -MC
Dear future lover,
I gave up in the hope of meeting you or maybe not completely given up but expecting about it less and less every single day. Although I’d love to meet you in the streets in town randomly walking or maybe when I am running errands in a hurry coz I rarely go to coffee shops these days anyway. Haha
Seriously though, I just hope I’d meet you regardless.
I just thought of sharing it on here, it’s been a while since I wrote something and that came up when I read about an article somewhere. Haha.
I hope y’all have a great week so far!
I don’t regret you but sometimes I wish I had walked away at the start and left things at hello.
Most of what I share here are mere thoughts and words that came up to me from experiences, from situations and from anything and everything my brain can summon; some writings, poetry and quotable quotes from others which brings significance in my life.
I have always wanted to do DIY stuff and beauty 101 in my blog with my cousin but we don’t have too much time on our hands and since my craft is never the artsy fartsy thingy bobs, I am doing a collection I will call “Letters I Never Sent”. These are the things; emotions, thoughts and everything– may it be big or small, that I never expressed and tell to people that came across my way hence, the title. 🙂
Without farther ado, here’s one for someone.
First off, I’d like to dedicate the quote above mentioned, it signifies my feelings towards you in the present but I must say, I don’t really regret knowing you, well somehow.. for there are so many things, wonderful things you made me feel and things I learned from you. It’s just that deep within me wished I just didn’t let myself get carried away in saying hello and replying to every messages you sent me. Although I know, for whatever reason meeting you is about, I am thankful for the things I learned while you were around.
My heart broke when I decided to let you go. I know I said to you so many times I will fight for you and I want you happy, even if it’s not with me although it’s apparent, too that I want you happy with me. But sadly I had to do that not because you were not someone I thought you will be but I just didn’t feel it’s gonna last. Or maybe it will if we tried harder but I don’t know really. Though you say you feel me in a lot of ways, it doesn’t feel right. I don’t feel those words for the most part. I am not writing this with hate, however I feel disappointed and hurt. Nevertheless thankful for that time you sent me a message for the very last time. I felt there was closure, being able to tell you that I miss you and some things I wanted to tell you. I wasn’t so sure why you said you disagree with my decision, it’s just that I do not feel the same about it. Or maybe it’s just me? I wondered why I was expecting you’d never ask for another chance. It was a little frustrating, though and I wished you could’ve asked if we can work things or maybe you really don’t want to. Maybe in the next lifetime? Or maybe not?
I was a little confused however because you said you wanted to be with me but at the same time you are conflicted. How? Why? What the hell!? I know the situation is never easy but it’s never impossible to ever see each other if you on the other hand, is really willing. Like the saying goes, “if there’s a will, there’s a way” and if you’re really not willing then there’d be excuses and other things like but, ifs, and whatnots.
There is no hate in my heart while I was writing this, neither I am bitter, lonely and depressed. Things have never been clearer, talking to you, that day helped me in a lot of ways and I guess that’s the last time I will ever talk to you. I felt you probably were intoxicated by alcohol at the time, too. Or I really don’t know. I just felt you were. I never heard from you again, but I guess it’s better that way. I can now finally move on, I really don’t feel bad now. The heartbreak didn’t last long. When I told you I miss you and when you told me you’ve been following my posts, among other things, I was sad and I cried, too. But didn’t feel the pain as much as I did in the past weeks. I never had much clarity until you asked me if I will fight for us. When I thought you know I will. But I guess you never did or I don’t know again. I am not a mind reader.
I reckon there’s a lot of “maybe’s” and “I don’t know’s” in this post, coz I wasn’t really sure first hand. But what I am so sure now is that I will never ever settle for mediocre love. I might end up growing old single, I guess that’s better than settling to something less than I deserve. That I am a lifetime and not something less. I am not sure of what the future holds… which the thought from my post “Maybe” says: Maybe we are meant to be.. or maybe I was meant to live without you but I will never ever understand.
I will never ever understand because there’s always ways to make things work but why things have to be like this.. but that’s just it. This is life hey? I have accepted that, and sometimes things have to eventually end. Thank you for those times, thank you for letting me feel that connection with someone doesn’t always have to be felt physically even though you never felt the same way about that. I am at peace now and I hope you are, too. I will let time unfold things. I am not sure what’s in store in the days ahead, for you and for myself. But I am happy and I feel okay despite our situation at the moment and I can say that I have gotten over you and thinking about you like I used to, and thinking of the possibilities of life with you coz I know it will never happen.
Like the saying goes about writing and expressing: “One cannot write if there’s no forgiveness,” which says a lot about what I feel, too. Whatever mistakes and not so nice things I said and done, I hope you forgive me. I hope you have a great life ahead of you and I wish you the best, a lot of happiness and love. 🙂
Sincerely and truthfully,
No more chasing for me, if you want me to stay in your life, you will find a way. I have always wanted to stay but you never gave me enough reason to be in your life. I am willing to fight and I will fight for you but you never had enough courage nor will to fight for me. Relationship is a two way street; it’s give and take, never one way; it’s teamwork, not plainly receiving nor waiting for the other person to make a move. I hope one day, you’ll find the person who will do the same.
I am tired of fighting, I wanna be fought for;
I am tired of waiting, I wanna be waited for.
I am tired caring, I wanna be cared for;
I am tired of loving, I wanna love and be loved in return.
I am tired of giving, I don’t wanna just give but also receive;
I am tired of living, I wanna be the reason why someone lives.
I am tired of being empty, I wanna be fueled up with love and compassion;
I am tired of sleeping by myself, I wanna wake up with someone beside me.
I am tired of frowning, I wanna smile like every day and be someone’s reason to smile;
I am tired of being alone, I wanna be yours ’til the end of time.
I Crave For You
For someone I haven’t met yet,
I crave for you in the most innocent form.
Sounds so cliche, just like the norm.
I crave to say good night and give you forehead kisses.
To love and be love, that kind of love everyone wishes.
I crave for that moment I will finally hold you,
Walk hand in hand, without motives, no demands.
My hands on your face, just feel that warm embrace.
I crave for the feeling of excitement,
you know, those feelings of butterfly in the tummy
fluttering intermittently with enchantment.
I crave for you in so many ways.
To look into your eyes and deep into your soul,
and know you feel the same,
that strong loving feeling you kept for so long.
I crave to hear that sweet sound of your voice,
to hear the ache, the longing, all those yearning when you’re missing.
I don’t know when that time will be,
I don’t know the future and it’s uncertainty.
But I know, I do crave for you and I will be here,
I will wait for you oh so patiently.
Until then, until the time I will meet you.
For someone whom I haven’t met yet, please oh please make it to me.