Month: August 2014

The Prayer For Serenity

The Prayer For Serenity

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

—Karl Paul Reinhold Niebuhr

 

 

All these years, I thought this prayer was from St. Francis of Assisi until today, when “my ninja” asked me if I knew about this prayer.. I was too sure that St. Francis’ prayer was about peace and love coz I’ve been singing that back in the day and searched it over the internet and I stand myself corrected. Thanks to the Internet and to “my ninja”. hahaha

On the other hand, I thank God for today, despite the “not so lovely” times of my life, I am blessed. God has blessed me with so many things and so many people. The fact that I am alive and kicking; breathing, loving and being loved by a few. That I still post what I love to share to others on here. That I still can see, and feel God’s love around me.

Thank you God that despite the challenges, You’re still there.. I know things will fall into places.. one step, one day at a time. ♥

A Mother’s Love

A Mother’s Love

Mikee Cane

I used to have a mother
but now it’s all done.
My heart aches for a mother’s love,
A love like no other.
The thread that holds her heart to mine is far away gone.
A love I never had for years,
and usually brought me to tears.
My heart aches for a mother’s love
A  love that forgives;
A love that understands,
A love that never ends.
A love that is unconditional,
A love that’s not judgmental.
How I long to have those happy times
Back when I was a child…
Tucked in the arms of my beloved mother,
the child whom you loved so dear.
I long for a mother’s love,
from my mother that’s now long gone.

 

When Being Strong Is The Only Option..

When being strong is MY ONLY option actually. 🙂

Feeling bummed the past days.. almost two weeks already. I had my last post blurting out how bushed I was and I’d say I feel the same way still.

Or maybe a lot better. I am not sure. I can’t fathom these feels actually.

Too tired of feeling weak and bummed out so decided to change the phase today.. or slowly changing that is.

Been thinking on a lot of things(which I normally does the whole time), stressed out a lot not just physically but emotionally and mentally. I wish I can spill every thing but my mind and my heart can’t even describe it(yes, there’s this words again). There were issues here and there, things that I so wish to tell someone that I’ve been wanting to tell for so long. Pent up emotions but I assure, no grudges and hard feelings 🙂

There were days I feel like my existence doesn’t make sense, like most days or the past days.

Yeah, human as I am, I have my moments.

I feel like just getting by and just randomly existing because I have to.

You know, you just wake up in the morning not knowing the reason who you wake up for? Or who you fight for?

Who do I live for? I don’t know. Oh sheet! :/

Blah.

Now I really wonder.. Feeling so weak.

These questions always hit me and maybe, just maybe I have been so dependent to others about validating my worth, and why I exist.

Who do I really live my life for and fight for? That is the question and a whole lot more. hahaha

Also, there’s this times that I feel like chasing people again, for attention, love and time and maybe affection, okay, yes.. affection(trying to deny it but I guess that’s true which is I am denying again. blah).. which I don’t think I really am doing but still, I feel so. Even if I only want the person to know that he/she is appreciated, others end up shutting me down and just evaporates out of the blue(it’s a cycle.. this is life’s cycle so shut your thoughts, I know I’ve been here before)

I am having a hard time accepting or practicing sharing to others these days and cousin knows as to why.. it’s not because I am being selfish but because of the issue on giving to someone too much and giving things that one doesn’t really have.. but technically i don’t mean personally doing it, it’s others doing it. (Yeah, I know.. i shouldn’t care about it coz it’s their business).. :/

Oh well. I have known long ago my purpose but still, I am not that strong some days.

I let myself get drown with these feels for days to teach myself a whole lot again..

  • that I don’t need people to validate my worth to make me feel good and accepted.
  • i don’t need to chase people for love, affection, time and attention.. it’s not a good thing, besides, if it’s not freely given, it’s never worth it 🙂
  • if someone new (whether a friend, family, whatever that person’s role may be) don’t expect too much from them, don’t expect that they’ll stay, too. people come and go, and that’s a fact but i will really try not to attach myself like i always do.
  • it’s none of my business how much or what people give to others but i will do my best to tell them what they’re doing is too much and also have to think what they need to give and whatnot.
  • i don’t think i can do this but i will try.. well i will surely do it but one step at a time. hahaha

Over with the bullets format there.. hahaha.

On a serious note, I was really down yesterday and too tired, and too sleepy.

Talked to my brother from another momma half awake and passed out hearing him talking but can’t remember what was it now. It was a bummer however I am so thankful to have him around. He’s the only one I can talk to about things and he’s one of the people who understands what I am going through.. well maybe not every thing as I don’t tell him as much but he knows when I am down and when I lie about how I am. So when I talk to him, tendency is I don’t lie anymore and just tell him I am not okay. Thank God for this man!

Thankful for other people who one way or the other made me and still I am a part of their lives. Those people who don’t need to tell me constantly that they’ll always be there coz they’re already there.

I have removed and shut down people whom I really don’t talk or get connected to.. I can’t deal with them any longer and I am really doing my best to not “chase” people again. If that person sincerely wants to be a part of my life, one will exert an effort in staying anyway. I can no longer tolerate users and abusers these days.

Nothing wrong with moving on from pain eh? Last night decided to pick myself up back again. I felt so horrible the entire day actually and got too tired of being weak and from getting drown with it. So yeah. Hopefully will find moxie back.

One good thing I realized is this: I don’t need any one to really tell me on how important I am and how beautiful or worse I am. The person who can make me feel better is myself. No one can ever help me and lift me up but myself. No matter how much I cry and weep for things, it’s always up to me whether to get up or not and linger on the dark side or be better than who I used to be. There might be times someone will be there to help pick me up but what if no one will? So yeah. It all starts with me. (Wait, that’s not just one thing.. that’s heaps. hahaha)

I’ve done the best that I can and sometimes it’s tiring being strong and staying strong but worse, it’s way tiring being weak. So yep, I chose to be strong. 🙂

Hoping and keen as to what the future holds. Looking forward to better days. Hopefully. 🙂

This is life, it has never ending cycle.. live it or take it for granted, up to us really.

Hope y’all have a great week so far earthlings! ♥

 

The Truth About Marsupials (According to Ze Frank)

Let’s have a break from feels and emotions today so I am sharing to you a video which tackles truth about (some) marsupials narrated by Ze Frank for BuzzFeed Videos.

I had a great time listening and watching this, I hope you will, too. 🙂

Lovely weekend y’all!

Thoughts.. yet again. :)

Learn from others who are different from you… like how to be someone people actually love.

I have been having tough times lately on dealing with people in general and find this quote right on time.

Not only personal stuff but also some of the things the world is on about.

I am not a perfect person and never ever will be but I am blessed where I am and the people God surrounded me with. I am humbled by the situation and the experiences God put me every day to learn and use these things to people and to become a better person.

I am recently having wee tough time with a person and finding it a wee harder taking in those beautiful and challenging words. Literally learning, understanding and being in the same shoes the person I am having rough times with at the moment isn’t easy at all.

I am doing and trying my very very best to humble down so I won’t get myself into trouble or be the person to give others happiness but I cannot please everyone. I just hope and pray that this will pass and peace shall stay.

Will still be that same person who doesn’t hold grudges to anyone and let things pass even though it’s a bit hard and understand, see the good things despite the not so good things that’s happening. That person who forgives and understand people more.. I know I mentioned the word understand twice it’s because that’s what I need to do at the moment.

This, too shall pass.

Ah! Life and it’s unending twists and turns.

Queer life that is. 🙂