:3

Washing the germs with water. Wonder where they went? Heaven or hell?

Ah! That time of the day when I am having 70,000 thoughts all at once.

The poster I am sharing kinda signifies what I am going through at the moment, and I agree with it. Too many times I have heard those words, overrated, overused, and abused words by many. I have told people those words, too but I was so sure I meant it and I was sincere.

I feel betrayed. I feel like I am stabbed on my back so damn hard that I can feel the throbbing pain of the knife that’s used.. How can I let someone do that to me? Why the hell did I allow someone to do that to me when what I only wanted and needed was someone to give my love to..

How can one do that? What have I done to deserve all these?

Gee bloody wish! Where the hell did that come from? Teehee :3

Feeling really weird today.. Weird in the sense that I am not sure what to feel at the moment. Discombobulated? Anxious? Frightened? Scared? Unsure? I don’t know. It seems to me that as much as I wanted to be loved, there’s this fear that lurks on me and tells me not to. I am so afraid to be hurt again. Although I am saying I will take one day at time, but negativity just pulls it down.. I am really freaking out in a way.

Oh gosh! I am grateful storm had passed today.. We even had a lovely breeze this arvo after some rain. Felt Mr. Sun’s rays on me, too. A calm after the storm. 🙂

But my own storm is not calm just yet. I still have to get through some things and I am really hopeful I’d overcome these.

Dear God, lead me to Your ways. I seek for Your guidance and help. I am so lost tonight. So unsure and ashamed.

Fear is Temporary.

🙂

Heartbreaks Don’t Break Even

My heart’s feeling like it is strangled, and I am like ‘What the heck!?’

My system’s on a roller coaster ride these days. This morning I was like so over the moon, and tonight, it feels like I wanna scream and shout!

I find it so hard to breathe and my heart is literally in PAIN.

No wonder why, I have my allergies back, and that just means that I am stressed and into something.

Once my mind gets to rationalise things much and heart’s too overwhelmed, I get physical reactions, too.

I’ve got it all figured out this arvo, too while talking to someone I just met.

I’ve been overwhelmed with FEAR.. these deep seated fear and doubts and frustrations.

There’s no hurry meeting someone and most of all, finding love.

But lately when talking about relationships, there’s just something that frustrates me and most of all, scares me.

Buhu. I know, right? I have mentioned not long that I missed that feeling of loving someone and all, but you can’t take it away from me.. that feeling of being scared.. will I ever find the man meant for me?

Will I be able to love him dearly? Most of all, will I be able to LOVE again?

I am afraid and uncertain of what the future holds, and thinking of these things, I wanted to blow up! I know, I am making mountains over hills.. but what can I do? What do you expect me to feel?

I am fed up of this “dating game” already.. it’s like I’ve lost hope on it. I want to hold on to that hope yet I wanted to let go of that rope.

I’ve been there before, I know what it’s like.. waiting for that someone you’re not sure who, and when and how you will meet him.

I thought and sure felt that it was already “IT” but ended up being hurt and me loving the wrong one again.

Not really “the WRONG ONE”.. just someone God made as an instrument to teach us things, however you call it, that’s it IT.

But all those times, those things that I did, sometimes I wished I was just playing so it never hurts.. but I won’t and I can’t coz I am not like that.

I could if I would but I have always believed in “good things come to those who do good”, and I am not that kind of person who plays with people’s feelings. Since then, when I commit myself to relationships, I have always been honest and open to my feelings.. and I have been hurt and played with, so I don’t want people to experience that one, too.

Yet I found some quotes from Rumi, 13th century Persian poet.

“Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.”
― Rumi

I wanna love and be loved, I wanna experience those butterflies in the tummy once again, and I hope it wouldn’t just stay a while.. I hope it will stay forever. 😦

Oh the weekend blues! Hahaha

I am feeling better anyway.. Just had to take that all out. It’s raining cats and dogs at the moment with thunderstorms too.

What a perfect weather for tonight’s quirks. Hahaha

Will end this post with this quote by Rumi, as I still believe this will work out for me one day. In God’s time.

In His RIGHT timing. Never ceased on praying 🙂

Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.